Scribbles

So excited!

2012-01-28T18:42:00.000+13:00

The darling Em of Lick My Cupcakes is coming to New Zealand this week and we get to have dinner with her (and her lovely man) on Friday! She was one of my first lady-blogger friends and it will be great to finally have a big smooshy cuddle with her in person!

Who wouldn't wanna hang with these cool kids?

I think I could have happily lived in the 50s...

2012-01-18T15:45:00.001+13:00

It's now just one week until I go back to work. I think back to the middle of November and how big the chasm of time felt, the time when I was going to be "funemployed". Two and a half months seems like a really long time but it has just gone by in a flash. I know it sounds cliche but it is totally true.

I really worried that I'd feel unfulfilled while staying at home. The financial side of things has been harder - while we certainly haven't struggled, we haven't had a lot of disposable income either and I will have to catch up on my contributions to our wedding account that I would have made in the time I had off (about $1500). What surprised me is how little not working mattered to my sense of self.

A few of my friends who have had children lately feel a loss of a sense of self when not working - that who they are in their job is a large part of their identity and an identity that they can no longer affiliate themselves with. I haven't felt the same. While I love teaching, it isn't as much of my identity as I thought and the desire to teach flows out in different ways when I'm not in a classroom.

This got me to thinking about the future. We hope that we're blessed enough to be able to have children. We've always assumed that I will stay home if financially possible because we both had SAHM/WAHM mothers when we were young. This time has made me realize that I would be blissfully happy to do that if we have the opportunity; something my thirteen-year old self would have been horrified by.

As modern women we can have it all, or we can have the parts we want. Part of me wants to be a 50s housewife staying home with my (possible future) children, cleaning and cooking lovely meals for my man and that should be no less judged than the woman who choses to go back to work.

Scribblettes, when you look into your future, what do you see?

Normal?

2012-01-12T16:09:00.000+13:00

So... I'm going to try on wedding dresses tomorrow. Squee right?

So I'm stuck wondering why I'm not feeling so squee.

I wonder whether it's because I'm not yet the size I'd hoped to be when I first went dress shopping. I don't think that anyone should tie their sense of worth (and their beauty as a bride) to a dress size, but I'd hoped to lose all my weight in a year - at 30 kg from my largest, maybe I should have been more realistic. I'm now hoping to be 7 kg lighter than I am now by the time the wedding and at my goal weight by my weight loss anniversary in November, an additional 5 kg.

I'm also wondering whether... well... I don't care so much. I want a pretty dress but I really don't have many of the details set in stone. White or off-white, silhouettes, sashes, one-strap/two-straps/strapless... I don't really mind! I'm thinking that it will probably be chiffon but I'm certainly not tied to it. I've organized the things that really matter to me and maybe I'm just one of those brides that doesn't care that much about the dress.

I see our day out as a really fun outing with mum and French "sister" C - especially seeing we're taking in "high tea" at the Langham. I'm just hoping I feel a little bit more of the magic once I'm in the dresses!

Monthly Resolutions - Jan

2012-01-08T12:05:00.000+13:00

So yesterday I told you about my word for the year and some of you have fantastic words of your own! I think Bridey hit the nail right on the head when she said that you know it's the right word for you when the thought of it scares you a little! So what does balance mean this month?

Relationship: No phones during meal times (with the exception of when SB is on call) - focus should be on each other at these times and it's a bad habit we've let creep in
Health: Eating whatever I want as long as I'm under calorie intake for the day - I've started calorie counting to get the rest of the weight off and I know that I should eat healthy but I'm giving myself permission to have whatever food I want within reason. It's working well so far and I don't feel deprived
Work/Social: Trying to occupy myself at home or within walking distance of home as much as possible - we're feeling the pinch financially with being on one income and still saving for the wedding and I know I will be grateful for this quiet time once everything takes off again.
Financial: Being honest with friends and family about our ability to do things with them this month that cost a lot of money - we either don't do it or we come up with another solution.

Simple intentions when written down, not quite as easy to do in real life - but it's meant to be a challenge, right?

How are you planning your goals/resolutions/intentions this year? Annually? Monthly?

2012 - the plans

2012-01-07T14:07:00.001+13:00

I like to choose a word for each year, a word that will inspire my actions. I almost went with "preparation" because I feel a lot of things we have planned for this year will help prepare us with the future. In saying that, preparation is going to be constantly on my mind and I don't think I'll need a reminder. I like the idea of the word being a reminder of something I don't manage well by myself! My 2012 word is...

I need more balance in my life. In 2011, I tried to "balance" my life by just throwing myself into everything... uh, yeah, not balance. Balance in 2012 means being selective about I do, throwing my FOMO (fear of missing out) out the window, doing what benefits me and my family and being content and grateful for what I do have.

It's an attitude change and one that I think needs to happen for my personal sanity. I know that certain months will be consumed more by certain aspects of life than others (May = Wedding, October = Teaching) and so I'm doing my intentions in a slightly different way. I have some things that I would like to achieve by the end of the year but the breakdown of my goals will be monthly. Each month I will post seven or so things I would like to achieve in order to help me maintain that balance. Let's see how that goes!

Tomorrow I will post January's intentions - I know we're a week in but I have been working on them already, just haven't had time to post (and you'll understand why when you see one of those intentions!) See you tomorrow with the deets!

What's your word for the year?

2011 in Review

2011-12-29T12:49:00.003+13:00

Borrowed this from the lovely Leah... it is great to do just for some personal reflection!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Start planning a wedding, create a joint account with someone, Christmas shopping for the in-laws as well as my own family, go to the trots (and see a friend's dad take out the evening!), celebrate Christmas with my french "sister" C, understood rugby, modelled in a photo shoot... I'm sure there's plenty more but that's what comes to mind!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did well with most of my goals -

I lost weight - not as much as I had wanted (about 12 kg this year)
I was more active
I am a far more organised, decluttered person
I moisturised more (I'm definitely a lot more vain than I used to be)
I read (to date) almost 90 books - won't make 100, but better than the 50 I thought was possible.
I got out of debt
I did NOT keep clothing purchases under $60, despite my best efforts!
I did make more and we have had many more home cooked meals this year than in previous years.

For next year I plan on making intentions rather than goals - the things I am aiming for are not necessarily as measurable as those I aimed for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my bestie! Little J is just the cutest little guy and when I cuddle him it makes my ovaries explode - clucky much?

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, a friend from high school died very unexpectedly on his flight back to NZ. It shook many of us who knew him to the core and made us all appreciate that we don't know how long we have on this earth.

5. What countries did you visit?

None, this year was a year of saving for us! We did manage to get in a couple of domestic holidays this year in Northland and in Tauranga as well as a long weekend in Wellington. We will be spending NYE in the Coromandel (1 night in Tairua and 1 night in Whitianga) and we are hoping to get up and visit SB's aunt in Kerikeri some time before the wedding. Then it will be save save save again before the honeymoon!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Balance... 2011 had some epic highs and epic lows. There were times when I felt that I had very little to do and times when I was working 13-15 hour days. It may be foolish to think that this is possible in a year where we are getting married, but I hope that this year is more balanced than the last.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

22nd of February - SB's birthday and the Christchurch earthquake. I remember sitting at his parents' house, terrified that I had not heard back from some of our friends and thinking the worst. Luckily, everyone was okay!

14th of May - the day we got engaged!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting out of debt (aside from my bulky student loan) - it is a huge burden off my shoulders and makes me feel so much more positive about merging our finances.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not losing more weight - I always knew that PCOS would make the weight loss difficult at some point, and have stagnated around the same weight for three months. I'm now on medication to combat the insulin resistance so I'm hoping to see some positive changes in the new year. I have between 8-18 kgs to go (doctor designated healthy weight range) so would at least like to hit the 8 kg mark before the wedding!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not substantially - I did however do some physio to strengthen what has been a problem knee joint for me ever since I had an accident at 19. I learnt some very interesting things about my body and muscular structure so I think that this was a good thing!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I really didn't buy a lot this year... hrmmm. I got a fabulous dress at Pagani that looks vastly more expensive than it was and has already had three outings in the three weeks I have had it!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My students who attended night classes to improve their exam results, SB who did not complain when he barely saw me for weeks on end, my cousin who was called back into ICU (previously worked there but is a public health nurse now) on the night of the Christchurch earthquake and dealt with an unimaginable amount of horror and strain.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

All the dirty politicking around the election - it seemed like no party was immune and that just made me sad.

14. Where did most of your money go? Debt repayment - le sigh. But now I am out of overdraft and CC debt and plan to never go back there!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?

Happier, for the most part

b) Thinner or fatter?

Thinner, although nowhere near thin.

c) Richer or poorer?

Richer, both in knowledge/experience AND financially

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise! That's one of the reasons my bubble butt hasn't disappeared.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry about things that I cannot control

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

It was pretty hectic - bacon sandwiches for breakfast and present opening at our house, Christmas lunch at Mama & Papa Scribs and then Christmas dinner at SB's parents... it's funny to see the cycle move round. Instead of our parents racing everywhere to please everyone, it's us!

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Fell deeper in love, as I hope to be doing each year for the rest of my life.

22. What was your favourite TV programme?

Home and Away - sad, I know! We also started watching Parks & Recreation which I really enjoy!

23. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn’t dislike this time last year? No, not really… although I'm finding I have vastly less time for people with negative attitudes and those who expect me to do all the work in the friendship.

24. What was the best book you read?

Women, Food & God by Geneen Roth - a really interesting look at the psychology behind emotional eating. Not as spiritual as the title sounds

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I'm not sure this counts but I was blown away by Nicole Scherzinger singing Christine's role in Phantom of the Opera on the Royal Variety Show... who knew she could actually sing?!

26. What did you want and get?

Engaged to my darling SB - cannot wait to be his wife!

27. What did you want and not get?

An extended contract at the school I was teaching at this year - loved the staff and loved the students. Still, I am grateful that I have been given a permanent position at a new school and will be able to make my home there!

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

X-men First Class - loved seeing how it all began. I also was really intrigued by the movie Moon (released in 2009) and will be using it as my film study with one of my classes next year.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Worked, and I turned 26. When you are a teacher, you don't get your birthday off work. SB's birthday is a week before mine so in the weekend between we had Thai with a group of dear friends.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Reaching my weight loss goal (are you sensing a pattern here?)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

My French sister told me that I was elegant and I think that sums up what I have been aiming for this year. Modest, understated elegance.

32. What kept you sane?

SB, my blogger friends (including some particular ladies, you know who you are).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I don't do wild celebrity crushes but I'll post the attraction that makes SB laugh the most - Patrick Stewart. I could listen to that man talk for hours!

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Nothing really - what irritated me most was when people tried to make things into political issues that weren't.

35. Who did you miss?

I think the people I miss the most are still there, I just miss the closeness that we used to have. It's part of life though, friendships rise and fall and not every single one is forever.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

My Welly girls - it was great finally meeting them face to face, including Leah who I managed to catch before she flew off to her new adventure!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011

That my personal values include honesty and integrity and that even when it seems counter-intuitive, those values still work for me.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year

"Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it" LOL

A week to go 'til Christmas

2011-12-18T13:02:00.001+13:00

SB and I have no plans today and it feels marvellous. Knowing us, it's still a time to get things done (and get the house in apple-pie order - nothing sexier than a guy cleaning the oven, even if it is because he spilt pizza all over it last night!) but we can go at our own pace and be relaxed - and that's fantastic! The days ahead are busy with final preparations for Christmas, helping Mama Scribs prepare the house, spending time with my lovely french "sister" C and visiting wee J (clucky much?). And just because I don't like making things easy for myself, I'm changing up my lifestyle.

I've started a new medication for my PCOS and it has had some interesting side effects! PCOS sufferers often suffer from insulin resistance, making it harder for them to lose weight. I've plateaued with my weight loss and so in conjunction with my doctors, I made the decision to start taking a drug (Metformin), commonly used for diabetics. While it's a common prescription for PCOS women (if you are not on the pill, you're likely to be on Metformin and I'm on both), it's considered an off-label use; basically, we know it works but we aren't willing to do the official clinical trials required to put it on the label. Ergo, most of the information about side effects available is for diabetes patients! Luckily, an online PCOS forum made me realise I'm not alone in my side effect...

HOT FLUSHES

Yes, that's right, in adjusting my hormone levels, it's making me heat up like a menopausal woman. Interesting to say the least! I think that's the reason I had to take a nap before going out yesterday afternoon - running hot and cold all day during a humid Auckland afternoon is exhausting! Given that the side effects can be far more debilitating, I'll take that. Especially my PCOS sister seem to think that it is a temporary thing :)

So hopefully this kick-starts my weight loss even over Christmas, with all the delicious food. I can already notice a diminished appetite and zero cravings so that's gotta be a good thing! Will be squeezing myself into wedding dresses come January and it would be great to lose at least four kilos by then!

December Rush!

2011-12-15T11:51:00.000+13:00

I don't know about everyone else, but my run up to Christmas has just been insane. Yesterday was the first day that I had nothing on since the start of the month (and that was only because the Women in Business event I was going to was cancelled) and I was so exhausted I slept in until 2 pm! I can't remember doing that since I was in my teens!

So what's been going on for us in December?

Helping Mama Scribs tidy and organise her house in preparation for my "exchange sisters" arrival (lucky her, she gets my Bee Of Service skills for free)
Getting a few loose ends tied up for Bee of Service, now in hiatus til after Christmas
Hanging out with my bestie, having pedicures and going for beach walks before baby arrived
Throwing our annual Christmas BBQ
Bachelorette Day Out with gorgeous friend J, doing a scavenger hunt in Auckland City then celebrating throughout the afternoon in a vineyard on Waiheke Island
Attending a Year 8 mixer of all the contributing schools to my new high school - they had all been learning to ballroom dance and it was so adorable!
Spending a day learning about the new school's peer support programme and finding out about some of the more interesting characters in my new form class
Finding out my bestie had given birth to her new little boy and literally squealing - for those of you who know me IRL, you know I'm not a squealer (btw, my cluckiness has hit new heights!)
Trying out a new hair salon and loving it - have found a new hair home!
Spending time with my adorable friend Ange - she's a make-up artist so we caught up with all the goss while she did my makeup for...
Watching J & V get married and have the cutest little reception up in the Waitakere Ranges - the view was amazing, we even got to see the Christmas in the Park fireworks (although they looked tiny from so far away
Fulfilling our church service obligations - we're on the greeting roster which is fun, we just get to say hi to everyone and hand out programmes as they enter.
BBQ for Papa Scribs' birthday - just great to spend that time with the family
Going to the hospital twice to visit the new baby - so adorable and squidgy. Very cool to be back in the place of my birth too!
Spending two days on a professional development course on how to raise Maori achievement in high schools - to be perfectly honest, I had thought that, given my background, it wouldn't be of that much use to me but it's really opened my eyes to some of those conversations I have with students in my classroom.
Attending the Foo Fighters concert - it pissed down with rain and I am so grateful to my bonus brother (future bro-in-law) for packing some plastic sheets. I ripped a head hole in one and managed to stay vaguely dry LOL. The concert was well worth it though!

No wonder I needed a solid sleep! The 2 pm things sounds really bad but in my defence, I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. after the Foos - had to drop Bonus Brother home and then have a shower to warm up before bed!

There's still plenty to look forward to in the December Rush too:

Dinner with old uni mates - SB's work do at the races - Cupcakes and Cocktails party for my dear friend Missy - more cuddles with babies - my exchange sisters arriving in NZ - midnight mass on Christmas eve (tradition for SB and I) - Christmas Day - the Boxing Day Blowout party that's tradition in my fam - Mama Scrib's Birthday & New Year's Eve (haven't the foggiest what we are doing to celebrate that yet!)

A weighty subject - the winds of change!

2011-11-24T09:51:00.001+13:00

What a difference a year makes! We were up in the Bay of Islands for our summer vacation over the new year. I was sunburnt and I used that as an excuse for not feeling well but the reality was that my body (and this was nothing new to me) was just not coping with the strain of humidity and heat. Siestas or trips in the air-conditioned car were almost a necessity to get through the day. I didn't climb a hill at Cape Reinga because I thought it would be too hard and I was already loathing the walk back in the sun to our car. I look back now and I'm disappointed in myself that I had let things get to that point. In January of this year I had already lost five kilograms from my biggest size but I was still so limited, not only by by the weight but by my mind.

Now? Now I don't let much hold me back. I love going for a walk and am so glad to have a new buddy who can come for daytime walks with me. Even though I was completely inappropriately dressed, I walked 7 kms yesterday - because I wanted to. I'm not afraid to sweat and I certainly don't feel ill when I am hot. A further eleven kilos down, I'm not yet at my goal but I feel healthy - it feels good. I'm looking forward to summer rather than loathing the heat and hope that, by kicking up the exercise over the next couple of months, I can enjoy the final months of 2012 Summer at a healthy, happy weight! Twenty-five kilos in a year and half - I can do it!

The Housewifely Routine

2011-11-17T13:11:00.001+13:00

My contract wrapped up on Monday so for now I am officially unemployed. Don't feel sad though - very exciting things are happening on the job front for both of us - just a matter of signing paperwork now! It still means, however, that I have around nine weeks of "down time" ahead and the changes in SB's job mean it is unlikely he is going to be able to take much time off at all! Our beach holiday plans have gone down the can.

So what's a girl to do when she's on her own for a few weeks? If she's a nerdy super-planner like me, she makes a routine!

I'm wanting to embrace all the opportunities available to me - I doubt that there will be any time in the future where I will be as free to chase those opportunities as I am now (with my stupendously wonderful fiance's support). I'm also wanting to remain flexible - Bestie is on maternity leave in two weeks and I want to be as available as I can be to her and to my mum as she starts her new chemo. Thus - the guidelines!

The weekends take care of themselves! We don't have a single weekend day free between now and Christmas and I'm so looking forward to the fun those events will entail! It's the weekdays that have the potential to drive me mental! I do deserve some time to relax - especially after the insanity of the last ten or so weeks - but I don't want to settle into the complacency of slothfulness! Likewise, I want to get some big days out in but I do need to be aware of budget - we are a one-income household as my holiday pay has already been earmarked for different things. So....

Each week will have 1-2 Weekday As, 2-3 Weekday Bs and 1 Big Day Out - in theory. Let me show you how this works for next week:

Monday - Weekday B (meeting up with @marytairua in the afternoon!)

Tuesday - Varied Weekday B (helping Mum out with getting their house in order for C to come and stay)

Wednesday - Weekday C (heading into the city, meeting up with several different friends, big walks once in town)

Thursday - Weekday A

Friday - Work (another weekday type that will occasionally be slotted in, not frequently enough to be on the list)

Some people can be laissez-faire and blow wherever the wind blows... I just can't. I think that the routine will really help me gain everything I need out of this sabbatical from the "busy life".

So do you think I'm a giant nerd? Do you plan out your holiday time this way? How do you ensure that you have balance?

All quiet on the writing front...

2011-11-06T21:12:00.000+13:00

I haven't written for a while lately - mainly cause I don't know what the heck is going on!

Our little family has been put into a massive state of flux in the last fortnight or so with job opportunities and decisions having to be made, values to be reassessed and our mini-family to think about. As you can imagine, our evenings (when not consumed with work and our other commitments) are being absorbed by big, deep and meaningful discussions while we decide the best path forward.

SB and I are still madly in love and I'm so lucky to have him by my side as we stand at this fork in the road and decide which path to take. I'll be back in a week or so and hopefully be able to tell you more about what we have decided - cryptic I know, but all will become clear.

The Road not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

A follow up to the Anxiety post

2011-10-29T09:16:00.001+13:00

Saw this the other day and it did make this frazzled girl smile... although I've done a remarkable job of remaining zen at work while wanting to karate kick people across a room!

Anxiety

2011-10-20T23:33:00.001+13:00

They say you can't get away from your problems but I think that I managed to do it, at least for a little while, in Wellington. Maybe the walking all day just left me so physically exhausted that I had no choice but to fall asleep at night... maybe it was the booze LOL. I slept solidly through each night - no longer the case now that we're at home.

At the doctor's yesterday, I had a check-up. I needed a new prescription of my BCP and I asked for some sleeping tablets. It's standard practice at my doctor's clinic to note down what is causing your insomnia (stops abuse and addiction of tablets, I assume) so I actually had to discuss what I'm anxious about. I thought that maybe it was mum's health concerns but what it actually boiled down to was a lack of control that I have on my future.

It's two and a half weeks until my contract ends and we've made the decision that I won't be working (so that I can spend more time with my family over Christmas - we don't know how many Christmases we have left together) and running the numbers, we definitely can manage for a fair while on SB's income alone. Part of me is very apprehensive about relying on him to "take care" of everything. It's not that I think that he won't but I have been fiercely independent since, well, forever. It's hard for me to be dependent on other people but I'm guessing that's something that I have to learn.

My anxiety also stems from job uncertainty for 2012. I really want the opportunity to have a position with flexible hours and be able to be fulfilled in all areas of my life - that's why I started Bee Of Service. I just didn't expect to be put in the position where that is a serious reality next year. Changes in Ministry of Education funding have seen the bottom fall out of the secondary teaching market and it's entirely possible that I won't have a permanent teaching job next year. Kinda awesome, kinda sucks when we have a wedding to plan and pay for!

I need to get to a place of peace and serenity with my situation, a place where I am lowering these levels of anxiety to a healthy zone. I need to trust that this situation is this way because it is meant to be, because there are lessons that I am meant to learn from this phase of life. I need to trust that it will work out because it always does. I fear that feeling that way is only going to come with time.

How do you destress and become less anxious, Scribblettes?

Relaxing Domestic Getaway

2011-10-16T23:27:00.001+13:00

SB and I have just returned from a lovely mini-break to Wellington! It was great to get away from all the pressures of home (well, almost all, had the laptop with us so I could keep an eye on enquiries for the business) and just enjoy time together. We managed to catch up with a few of the people we correspond with on Twitter, all as equally lovely IRL as they are online. In the interests of not boring you silly with all our tales, enjoy our pictorial essay below!

Apparently I don't understand what the word holiday means...

2011-10-08T21:35:00.001+13:00

I'm on holiday once again - and I'm solidly booked right up until we head away to Wellington on the 13th! I'm really excited about it - for the most part anyway. I've got a couple of appointments teed up for Bee of Service and I'm so excited about the business getting properly underway! It's nice to be spreading my wings a little bit further than my family and friends (although I love you guys too)!

I'm a bit bummed out that Monday means a return to work to iron out paperwork at work - another teacher declared that it was the most depressing part of the job. I think they're probably right. You join teacher because you're passionate about changing lives... and it doesn't feel like the paperwork does much to change teenagers into fully-fledged adults. Still, it is one of those necessary evils. Far better to get it sorted in peace and quiet than to attempt to get it done when I start teaching tutorials again next term!

I'm also all about the grooming this week - I have a haircut, pedicure and clothes-shopping trip (thanks to winning a $100 voucher from DressSmart on Twitter) planned before our trip... I'm going to hit Wellington as glam as possible after an eleven-hour train ride! The haircut is totally necessary, the pedicure a great chance to catch up with a friend and the clothing shop purely a case of luck :)

This may sound like I'm all glitter and kittens... I'm not. Mum had some bad health news this week, I got rejected from a teaching job without even an interview and I had a day that resulted in me bawling my eyes out at my desk (and scaring a couple of students to boot when they walked into my class without knocking). I'm just choosing to focus on the positive things for now and celebrate what I DO have than despair about future events - it's not like I can control them!

So here's to a busy four days with little time to mull over things outside my control. Here's to successful meetings, awesome haircuts and hanging out with friends. Here's to looking at the shiny side of the coin!

The Pot Calling The Kettle Black

2011-10-03T10:35:00.000+13:00

I was harassing Corinne of Frock and Roll yesterday about her absence from our little online community - then I logged onto Blogger and realised I haven't posted for a couple of weeks. Ooops. I wish I had a great excuse but the reality is that life has been busy and when it hasn't been busy, I've just wanted to snuggle on the couch (or be tucked into bed - I've been that exhausted) with my future hubby. September has been hard for us, our usual routines upset by my second job (at the same school, just to be confusing). You have to make hay while the sun shines, right? I'm attempting to get financially on track so we're not hit too hard by my fun-employment period and while tutoring in the evenings means I feel totally shattered by the weekend, it also means that things won't feel too tight. It would be fantastic if Bee of Service could completely cover the shortfall but we must plan as if it won't.

There are nights that I look at the whiteboard in my classroom and think that life shouldn't be this hard. I wonder why I went back to university to become a teacher when I can't get a decent break in the education system. Pity party for one (and sometimes two) over here! I love working overtime on stuff I love - it never makes me sad to make time in my day to work on Bee Of Service (even if it is 11 pm!) and I'd quite gladly give up whole days of my weekend and holidays to help people achieve their organisational or event goals. It's hard when I'm working overtime literally for the love of money at an organisation that will be booting me out on my rear in just over a month's time.

I have fun, I'll admit - I had a lovely dinner out with Bron on Wednesday! Saturday was really good - we went into town, explored the Queens Wharf Fanzone, had dinner at Wildfire (which I feel like I am STILL digesting) and watched two Rugby World Cup games at a gorgeous little bar called Andrew Andrew. I'll take chillaxing on a leather banquette watching the game on a projector over the asphalt floors of "The Cloud" any day! Five weeks from now I'll have all the time in the world to get over my burnout and focus on my small business... on grey days like today (both inside and out) it's just a little bit harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Gotta have faith

2011-09-20T10:59:00.000+12:00

Those of you who follow me on Twitter may have seen my frantic postings on Friday regarding my job. For those of you who may have missed it, I've just had confirmation that my contract teaching position will be finishing a month earlier than expected. Not the worst thing that could have happened but it isn't ideal either when we are saving for a wedding. We've been examining the budget and working out where we can tighten our belts - the great thing about me not working would be that I would have time to create a lot more things from scratch. I'm also trying to ramp up additional income - trying to get Bee Of Service off the ground and looking around for possible temp positions.

The thing I failed to remember on Friday (and what I keep reminding myself now) is that everything WILL be okay. I don't mean that to sound trite, I truly believe that it will be. I survived until now, didn't I? At the beginning of last year, I had no job. I started relief teaching and most weeks had more work than I could possibly handle. I got a long-term relief job at another school that year and learnt more about classroom management (in the battlefields) than I could have possibly learnt at any course. At the end of the year, I got my current job, a job that has taught me so much about myself and the importance of family and community. Wherever I go to from here, it will continue to teach me the life lessons that I still need to learn. If one of those lessons is learning to rely on SB for a month, then that's what it will be - I hope that it's learning some exciting new skills though!

Whether you have belief in a Christian God, a higher positive power or just in yourself, you need to believe that it will be alright. You need to believe that what you are going through has purpose and is teaching you a lesson that you need to know... think on what that lesson is!

What lessons are you currently learning, Scribblettes?

Loves and Loathes of September

2011-09-14T10:37:00.000+12:00

Loves:

Our engagement party is this weekend! Our lounge and dining area currently looks a little unkempt (and is likely to start looking more so) as I finish off the DIY part of our decorations. I'm glad I decided to outsource a couple of things - the reality is that it is sometimes better to pay someone else for their time than to try and do it yourself. Even with working two thirteen-hour days this week (less than will be usual) I've still managed to get in bed at a decent hour and avoid tears - yes, I am about nine years old inside!
The beautiful sunny days we've had recently - hard to love this when the wind is literally blowing a gale but the fact that we've had a few lovely warm days must mean that proper spring is on it's way, right?
That Liv Bambola has confirmed that she is coming to the wedding! This is something that friends of mine who aren't as web-connected really don't understand... Liv knows me better than a lot of the people I am friendly with in real life. She's been in my life for my change of careers, when I met the man of my dreams and when I realised that he was the man of my dreams. Along with others (you guys should know who you are!), you've experienced both the light and the dark sides of my life - not just my "public face". Through DM conversations on Twitter and Facebook love, you've become not just web friends but real friends. So as hard as it is to understand, there are some of my ladies whom, although we live oceans apart, I would love to be there for my special day. That's why I'm so excited that she has confirmed that she can come!
Seeing a metal rooster in a garden store and thinking "Knock knock, motherf**ker" - hand up if you know what I'm talking about :)

Loathes:

Finding out that yet another person dear to me is dealing with cancer... honestly, f**k cancer. I don't swear often on the net, but it totally applies. Stop ruining people's lives!
Spring Mating Season as a teacher - proven fact, as the weather gets warmer, the student population suddenly gets a lot more coupley and the PDA gets a lot more full on. I wish I was joking... I'm really not. I'm considering getting a spray bottle - hey, if it works for domestic animals, should work on people, right?
The plateau... I'm plateaued at around seventeen kilos down. I really need to lose another ten at least before would be happy but this is so frustrating. I'm getting to the point where I'm sabotaging myself to stay here - "If I'm not going to lose anything or gain anything then I may as well eat what I want". Yes, I'm aware that sentence makes absolutely no sense... it really makes me question what in me makes me think that way.
Money - it's not that I loathe money itself (it definitely has good uses) nor am I loathing the lack thereof (I'm actually not too badly off at the moment). I guess I'm loathing having to think about it... loathing adjusting wedding budgets, loathing the thought of extra money and the sensible things I should do with it instead of blow it on fun stuff. Ha ha, maybe I'm just loathing being a grown-up :)

What are you loving and loathing this month, Scribblettes?

Quiet times...

2011-09-03T13:49:00.001+12:00

It's been a rough week - there's no denying it. Both SB and I caught a virus that was going around - knocked me out for three days and had to stay off work to avoid spreading the germs. On Tuesday, the second day off, I hopped on Facebook to be stunned by the news that an old school friend had passed away very unexpectedly. Wednesday I started to feel better, only for SB to start to feel worse. Thursday night we had a phone call to say that SB's dog had taken a turn for the worse and that we should pop round the following morning if we wanted to say goodbye. We did, and without going into the finer details, it was clear that putting down the dog down was the best thing to do. This morning, I attended the funeral of my school friend. It was heart-breaking to see his girlfriend stand by the coffin, unmoving, their life together cut so short.

So SB and I are sitting on the couch, watching music DVDs and having a whiskey and dry for the ones we've lost this week... it's a quiet time and that's a good thing,

The new business!!!

2011-08-27T11:42:00.003+12:00

Yes, it's finally launch time! My new business is:

None of this would have been possible without some very talented ladies I've had the pleasure of meeting through the blogging world. Juliette Maxwell helped me with the technical aspects of creating my business site (domain registrations, DNS propogations and contact forms, oh my!), Amanda (of Gondwana Heels fame, currently running a fab competition on her Facebook page) provided me with sound financial advice and, of course, the delightful Nikki Hassett (also known as Flair To Remember) provided the gorgeous corporate identity that I am so pleased about!

So what do we do? The website provides much more detail but essentially we are a planning and organisational service focused on the mid-range of the market. New Zealand has a lot of large wedding and event planners but few willing to focus on the little events. That's where our business steps in! We also offer decluttering services for the home and digital clean-up services - basically a one-stop organisational shop for people who are time-poor (and who isn't, these days).

I'm beyond thrilled to have made this dream a reality. If you'd like to help out, Scribblettes, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter and spread the word to those you think we could help! Don't forget to nosey around our website and contact us if we can help you!

Busy, busy...

2011-08-24T13:07:00.002+12:00

I'm keeping up with my intention to use downtime efficiently at the moment - the reality is that I need to if I am to keep things in order. My days are really full at the moment so it's good to be able to use that quiet time before a class begins to check on net stuff for the business and The Shrinking Violets - or in this case talk to you!

What's making my life so busy? Here's a sample week :)

Monday - wake, check emails and read RSS to do with the business, work day-job 8.20-4.30, home (where I do more business stuff, more wedding planning, exercise, marking of students' work and try and be a good housewife!) - I'm hoping to add in a hot yin yoga class this day also.
Tuesday - same as Monday, with the addition of aquarobics in the evening
Wednesday - early work finish of 3 pm, this is generally when I try and complete major errands and decent cardio exercise
Thursday - same as Monday, considering adding in an additional aquarobics class
Friday - same as Monday, usually date night for SB and I

The weekends tend to be solidly packed with social/personal commitments at the moment, surprising because in previous years they have tended to drop off in winter. Things are only set to get busier in the next couple of weeks as I'll be taking on tutoring for extra cash. It might seems like this is crazy or really unenjoyable but I'm loving it. I feel fulfilled in almost every area of that life and that's a good place for me. I have my phone diary and task list to keep me in line and this works well for me :) I know it seems pretty peculiar to my friends that we're booking out coffee for three weeks ahead but if it's what makes it work, it makes it work.

I guess what I'm trying to say, Scribblettes, is don't let others judge you for the way you live your life. I know that some people think I'm taking on a lot, but I'm happy. If you are happy with the way you live your life (and the people that are important to you aren't disadvantaged), do what makes you happy. After all, isn't that what really matters?

What I want...

2011-08-21T19:43:00.004+12:00

Lately I've been overwhelmed by a Verucca Salt type urge to buy an iPad - "SB, I want a 16G iPad and I want it NOW". With some upcoming tutoring opportunities (and a very generous hubby-to-be that believes I should see some of the fruits of my labour), this might become a reality. I thought in the same little "I want, I want..." vein (or should that be vain? LOL), I'd compile a list of what I'm lusting over at the moment!

1. White 16 Gig iPad - to 3G or not to 3G, that is the question

2. The Natasha Tablet Case from Forever New - how could I not?

3. High-Low Hem Silk Animal Print Dress from Forever New - I would feel so glam in this!

4. A course of microdermabrasion - my skin's texture is just awful at the moment

5. A pair of pants that didn't feel baggy - put on my "tight" jeans today only to find out that they are no longer so... this losing weight bizzo is expensive!

6. A concession pass to yoga lessons - Chandeleah has got me wanting to try hot yoga! I think I might try their hot yin class first!

7. A new swimsuit - nothing too sexy, something that will hold the "girls" in place while doing aquarobics... I very nearly had a wardrobe malfunction last session!

8. A new home office set-up - this will definitely have to wait until the business makes some money!

Phew, it feels good to get that all out! I don't feel quite as needy anymore! In my experience, when you put it out there it's far more likely to happen - whether you believe it's God or the universe, I'm sure you've had a similar experience!

What are you wanting at the moment, Scribblettes?

Goals Update - mid year and a little late!

2011-08-17T09:28:00.001+12:00

I thought I better do a goals update - feeling pretty happy about the results. It's funny how little some of them matter any more and how my lifestyle has changed over the last year so that some of them no longer apply!

Lose 22 of the 31 kg I have left to lose - 7 1/2 months through the year and I have lost 13.5 kg. 60% of the way there and we're coming out the other side of winter... feeling pretty positive about this.

Get out of debt (apart from student loans) - I feel like I haven't got as far as I would like with this but we are saving for a wedding! The reality is I'm doing fairly well, given the situation

Organise a monthly social event with the girls - this goal was going gangbusters until two of the girls got pregnant... no more wine clubs for us. I've been making the effort to see my friends individually but I should really organise a few more larger events.

Exercise at least three times a week - I've had my off weeks and on weeks but exercise has definitely played a larger part in my life this year than it has in many previous years.

Have monthly filing/organisational binges - it's probably even more frequent than that... really hate clutter! We've also just chucked out a whole lot of stuff in the inorganic collection (the one time of year you don't have to pay to take stuff to the tip) so we're feeling nicely decluttered at the moment!

Take the stairs whenever possible - man it makes me laugh that this was a serious goal of mine! I would take the stairs anyway these days!

Dry-brush before a shower each day - fail. I don't know why, when I can get into so many other habits, this is a struggle

Moisturise daily - a necessity at the moment if I want my skin to shrink with me!

Read 52 books this year - have read 53 so far and I am shooting for 100!

Spend less than $60 per item of clothing this year - mixed results... I have splurged on some items but overall I've bought very few items of clothing this year. I don't want to spend too much money on the size I am but it turns out that I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to tailoring and materials LOL

Make More - definitely a win here, both foodwise (I'm getting more particular about cutting down on processed foods) and craftwise (wedding centrepieces, party decorations, etc)

Waiting, waiting, waiting

2011-08-11T17:30:00.003+12:00

If you know me IRL, you'd know that patience is something I struggle with. Why put off tomorrow what you can do today? I'm sure I drove SB up the wall while I was waiting for him to propose. I was mentioning to my mum the other day that sometimes I feel like saying "Stuff the wedding, I just want to be married now!". I'm sure I would ultimately regret that decision but it does show my impatience when waiting for exciting things!

I'm trying to foster patience at the moment for a multitude of different things:

my business logo is currently being designed by Nikki Hassett. As soon as I sent the email I was so excited to see what she could come up with... now I need to be quiet and let her work!
launching the business - once I've created my corporate identity, all systems are go!
more sports bras from We Love Colors (free shipping to Australia and New Zealand at the moment) but I need to wait until next payday when it isn't so much of a stretch
trying on wedding dresses! I set a size goal to get to, I'm going to make myself stick to it!
my students! They can be a trying bunch, they just don't seem to realise how serious their assessments are this year and it can be so frustrating!

I am aware that when I am "waiting", I'm also avoiding living in the moment. I keep telling myself to focus on what I can do and not what I cannot yet do... or in the case of my students, what is completely outside of my control!

Scribblettes, do you often find yourself waiting? What are you waiting for?

Wedding Whammy - August Edition

2011-08-08T13:18:00.002+12:00

It's been kind of a quiet month wedding-wise here...

Saving Money. Man, it feels like money has been tighter this month... a lot of irregular costs that I should have bargained for but just haven't. Just last week I had to pay $70 for the repeat of one of my medications :S Uncool. The money is still going into the wedding account but it means there's no spare money to chuck towards the extra expenses!

Rings. With the US dollar down against the NZD, we're seriously considering getting SB's ring on Amazon. Unfortunately the shape of my ring is making wedding bands hard to find and the only one that has suited perfectly is quite a bit more than I expected to pay! Hoping to find a cheaper wedding dress to balance it out!

Weight Loss. I currently have 6.9 kilos to lose by November if I am to make my dress goal! I am still feeling the WeightWatchers programme but the expense of meetings is killing my budget and I'm wondering whether to keep going. Accountability, good; accountancy, bad.

Save-the-Dates and Engagement Party invites. Going out this week! I would have liked to have sent them out earlier but I am waiting on return address labels from VistaPrint... note to self, don't order from their promotions as they are slow when overloaded! I've ordered business card sized product from them before and they were much faster.

That's pretty much it! I think we've hit one of those lulls that people talk about, where there's not a heck of a lot to do! Chugging along on my DIY projects and keeping that weight loss up is my focus for the month!

Stop focusing on the negative!

2011-08-05T09:19:00.002+12:00

I had a moment a couple of days ago... feeling fat and bloated, I jumped on the scales after dinner and saw the damage, about a kilogram up from my lowest weight. My immediate thought was "What a fattie!" - seriously? Even at that weight, I was still almost seventeen kilograms less than my largest weight! I had to laugh... getting uptight about a little bloating (which has obvious origins) and losing sight of the big picture. I made sure I drank some more water and headed to bed shaking my head.

In discussion with a certain lady blogger, I got to thinking. Surely what matters most is trying to be true to our intentions. My intention to get down to goal weight is supported by my actions - most of the time. When it's not, I just need to make some action plans to get it on track. I use the word intention as opposed to goal for a reason. Goal seems concrete, unmoving, almost bloody-minded in the pursuit of what you want. Intention seems to imply that you are going to work your hardest to do the best you can while living a life that is still enjoyable. Semantics? Maybe. It sits a heck of a lot better with me.

My days are full at the moment. I write this while supervising a whole class of students, working to create autobiographical sketches of their own lives. Reflection and examination, searching for clues of how we can move forward from our pasts to better futures. For me, making action plans, to-do lists and fueling my body in the best way I can to move forward and live my life with the intentions and design that work best for me and my family.

What do you think? Goals or intentions?

On things going back to "normal"...

2011-08-03T11:29:00.003+12:00

Those of you who follow me through social media platforms and this blog may be aware of my "holidays of change", instituting projects and dietary changes. It felt great, I felt great... but I did have this looming deadline ahead known as the school term. It's all easy to eat well and exercise and structure your day to perfection when you don't have work commitments but when you're required to structure your day in certain ways for work... it's easy to lapse back into old habits!

Green Smoothies are going well - in fact I've been making extra and taking it to school! It kind of grosses my students out though; I had one ask me if I had thrown up in my travel cup when I was washing it out! I've also started packing salads for lunch - the school lunch that's provided is still stodgy winter food and I try and save my "naughty" meal of the day to be the one that I share with SB (he needs to be feed well, damn his high metabolism!). I'm thinking that I really need to prepare the salad the night before because making my smoothie is a bit more time consuming in the morning (I'd prefer the smoothie fresh because of the fruit content). I've also started skipping the cereal component of my breakfast on weekdays - on weekends I have it about an hour after my smoothie and coffee - and I don't seem to be affected by this too much at all.

Exercise? Another story. Work timetable means that I'm often not getting home til it gets dark and then I feel pressured to do the housework and cook dinner... and anyone knows that after dinner all you feel like doing is sitting and digesting. Between 3-5pm was working well for my walking... I need to prioritise when I get home and exercise first (or at least second and third) because I know that after dinner it isn't likely to happen. That's my time for sitting down and working on wedding and business (and Tweeting, let's be honest) work, stuff that requires an energetic brain and not an energetic body. I'm currently looking into Yoga classes so that on days when I need it, I can literally take time out of my time at home and use it to centre myself.

It is going to require being a little bit strict with myself in the mean time... when not working my teaching job I can afford to be more laissez-faire about the whole thing. I'm very tempted to do what Sarah Von was talking about and create a to-do list for the day! I often use these for project management so why not use them for my life? Make sure I drink enough water, set aside time to read and relax... why not?

On the whole, I think I'm on my way to making this a habit. I'm already questioning how I'm going to get my green smoothie fix when SB and I do our extended Wellington weekend (if any of you know a fab little cafe that will whip them up, without looking at me like I'm insane - recent experience - let me know) and I'm making sure I do it everyday. I should take my own advice that I gave Alice and create a star chart to keep up my progress, it works for grown-ups too!

How are you instituting changes and making them your new normal?

Time slips by...

2011-07-31T17:02:00.004+12:00

It's the evening of the last day of the school holidays. Plenty of parents out there will be rejoicing that their sweet little darling are heading back to school tomorrow. There will be some teachers who are tearing their hair out, nervous for the term ahead. Me? I'm feeling zen. I know, weird right? Who is this person?

Last term I was stressed out by a whole load of things I couldn't control. Part of me wonders whether me taking better control of my health has lead me to stress a lot less about my mother's health, something that I can't control. I'm also proactively dealing with the crappy job market by setting myself up a side-hustle business - Juliette and Amanda have been invaluable resources during this process! I'll let you all know much more about it when everything is sorted (LOL I do need to pimp my own services, it's true) but the thought behind it is that having this side hustle will give me greater career flexibility in the future.

It's not that I don't like my job - for the most part, I really do! But I think I was equally happy relief teaching as well and what I enjoyed at that time was the flexibility to do what I needed for myself and my friends and family. Anyone who thinks that full-time teaching is a 9-3 job is kidding themselves, there's frequent late nights involved, even if the location is flexible. The reality is that I don't think that's what I want when I have kids. I want the flexibility to schedule a day off and go on school trips. I want to be able to work from home so I can be there when they are sick. Having kids is still a wee way off for us but with all the talk that goes along with getting married, it's part of the discussion we're having.

If I love teaching and yet want more flexibility, how is this going to work? My plan is to get my teaching registration and continue to work full-time before we have kids while working my side-hustle up to a viable part-time business. I'll continue to grow my side hustle when the kiddies are little and return to teaching as a relief teacher (meaning that I can pick and choose my days that I am available) or a part-time teacher for a couple of days a week when the kiddies are a little bit older. To me, and to SB, this seems like the most effective way to get where we want financially while upholding the values of family that we think are important. Big epiphany right? It's taken a couple of weeks to come to grips with it but we're feeling pretty confident we can make it work. Wish us luck!

What about you, Scribblettes? Have you found a way to have a career that reflects what you want in life?

Holidays - for action or for rest?

2011-07-26T16:12:00.002+12:00

As a teacher, I'm in a fairly unique situation, knowing that once every ten weeks, I get a two week break. The Rugby World Cup has warped the holiday situation this year, but that's another post entirely! While most people have a sarcastic reaction ("Lucky for some", etc), the reality is that teaching is all-consuming during the term time and for the last couple of days of my holidays I will be focusing a large amount of my time prepping for next term. Some teachers spread it out so that they do a little each day but the big, solid, knuckle down time is what works for me.

With two out of the fourteen days gone, that leaves me twelve to spare. End of term has usually been a crunch time for me so there is almost always household chores (or at the moment, wedding things to do) and that takes up a couple of days also, leaving me with around ten days left.

What has intrigued me this holidays is that I've barely had any time to just sit and vegetate. Part of it has come from the surplus of energy I've had, part of it has been from obligation (pet-sitting my parents animals has involved my input with them for at least three or so hours each day) but part of it is that I've just booked myself up with a lot of socialising and a lot of projects... all of which is a choice. Does it defeat the purpose of a holiday or is it an efficient use of time? I'm unsure.

I'm going to take tomorrow a bit more slowly - while today had me rushing round to accomplish a variety of different tasks, tomorrow is just baby-sitting briefly in the morning and then having a delightful lunch with Bronwen... and perhaps going for a wee stroll around the city before heading home. Oh, and trial a new recipe for dinner. And maybe do some vision planning... and label the envelopes if the return address labels arrive. CANNOT HELP MYSELF. There always seems to be cool fun stuff to do and such a limited amount of time to do it in. I think I am scaring myself because this feels like such a new place for me.

What are your thoughts, Scribblettes? Are you the sit back and veg type or the can't sit still type? Am I normal or completely batshit insane? Let me know in the comments while I tootle off and make SB a home-made batch of muesli bars :)

I'm on a buzz...

2011-07-21T17:01:00.002+12:00

I have SO much energy at the moment! I had a nutritional consultation on Tuesday morning and definitely got given some "food for thought". You'll be able to read more on The Shrinking Violets tomorrow about the rest of the consult, but one of the biggest changes to come out of it is my new-found love for green smoothies!

Now maybe I am totally the last one on the boat about this but wow! The recipe I'm following is so easy - one chopped up banana, two cups green leafy vegetables (any) and two pieces of any type of fruit. I whizz it all up in my "Amazing Bullet" and it's a deliciously creamy start to the day. Before anything else I've had a good solid shot of nutrients and it really seems to be putting me off on the right foot :)

So what have I been doing with this new boost of energy? It's school holidays at the moment so I've been tearing through the house on a cleaning and organisational bender. Yesterday I tackled our kitchen - it is tiny so it doesn't take a heck of a lot to make it cluttered and hard to use. Reshuffling cabinets and putting things in places according to frequency of use. One thing I won't miss when we move on from this place (don't worry, no plans to move yet!) is that tiny kitchen!

Today I ventured outside the house to get some storage solutions for a few areas in the house that were bugging me. Being winter, a lot of the outer layers of clothing I wear can get more than one use; I feel weird about putting these items back in the dresser or wardrobe. I've been using my "floordrobe" but it's so untidy. I grabbed a flexi-bin that fits neatly between my bedside table and the wall - amazing the difference that it makes!

I also tackled that abyss known as the bathroom cupboard under the sink with seven containers - we now have cleaning (mouthwash, soaps, shampoos, etc), grooming (manicure kits, creams, hair spray, etc), contacts equipment, face cloths, medical (pills, plasters, ointments, creams), first aid kit and *ahem* lady stuff (tampons, etc). I got rid of so many expired items that I am sure we have been dragging from house to house and NEVER use.

So I haven't had the most thrilling holiday, but I'm feeling good with how productive I have been. How about you, Scribblettes? Does it give you a kick to see things well-organised or are you far more laissez-faire?

It's the small things...

2011-07-12T19:58:00.002+12:00

Right now I am sooooo full of germs I sound like a pug! Yet instead of feeling down in the dumps I actually feel quite positive about things... weird, no? Maybe it's been the enforced down time, allowing my brain to sift through all that's been going on; maybe I'm just feeling less overwhelmed. Regardless, I'm not going to look an emotional gift horse in the mouth!

SB has been so wonderful with me being sick. He's sole charge at work, dealing with his family dog being seriously ill yet he has come home two nights in a row and cooked dinner. I am so blessed to have him in my life as both my best friend and my husband to be. Bearing this in mind, I got angus beef patties out of the freezer this morning so that he could make burgers tonight. We didn't have any buns but we live 200m from a bakery so I thought I would attempt the walk.

It's winter here so the weather can be kind of miserable - I can hear heavy rain as I type this. The weather was cold but fairly mild as I headed out on my mini-journey. As I walked along there was a light breeze but it didn't cause me to cough. The sun shone down on my face and I could almost feel my body lapping up the Vitamin D. I may have had a sore ear, a blocked nose and a phlegmy throat but in that moment I was pretty darn happy.

I'm hoping that this phase of happiness and positivity continues... I was pretty over feeling flat and blue!

Wedding Whammy #1!

2011-07-05T19:33:00.003+12:00

The response from the post was that you all are interested in hearing about the wedding planning. I figure that once in a while I will do a big wedding post ("Wedding Whammy") and if you don't care to know the details, you can just skip :) Deal?

So here it goes!

When is it happening?

We've set a date - we're getting married on the 1st of June next year! We didn't want to leave it too long but we needed to save money towards the wedding and we also needed to give our international guests enough time to save and make arrangements as well!

Saving? Who's paying?

We're paying for about 60% of our wedding ourselves and are lucky to have generous parents that are helping us out with the rest. It's actually surprising how easily we are saving money each week towards it - what the heck was our (my) excuse before? The biggest conflict we have is what we think should come out of our wedding account. I've ordered a mixed box of cupcakes from Miss Melicious to try and I've paid for that out of my own account, not the joint savings, whereas SB thinks it should come out of the joint savings... with the deposits coming out for various things at the moment, I'm being tight with the wedding account!

What's your biggest splurge?

Definitely videography. I felt very strongly (and I can't deny that having a parent with cancer played a part) that I wanted a whole bunch of visual memories of the day. We didn't want to burden any of our guests with the job of filming the event so I looked up videographers. In the NZ market, it definitely seems that what you pay for is what you get! We decided to go with White and SB feels pretty confident with that decision after he met with them (yeah, the past few weeks have been pretty busy for me so he met with the videographer on his own!). With having a friend who is also a wedding photographer (and a pretty awesome one at that), we felt we could splurge a little bit more given we're not paying some of the more exorbitant prices for photography.

Why a winter wedding?

Because we couldn't have a small wedding, we decided to have a cheap one? LOL, just joking. One reason we chose a winter wedding was because our summers are so full with family birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, not to mention weddings of other friends as well. The discounts we've received through having a winter wedding sure are nice though! We're having our ceremony in the church that we attend and then the reception is in a large ranch-style house/reception venue so we're not terribly worried about what the weather is like.

Anything unusual?

We're trying to steer away from using flowers as much as possible. Winter means that that shizz is expensive. SB would much rather that he and his men had pocketsquares, not bouts. I then decided I really wanted to play up the wintery feel of our wedding and our bridesmaids will be carrying lanterns rather than bouquets into the church. One word for our centrepieces - pompoms (and that's all you get for now). I'm still yet to work out what I will carry... or whether I'll carry anything at all. I certainly don't need it to ward off evil spirits and I hope to spend most of the ceremony holding SB's hands!

I think that's enough of a whammy for now! Tune in next month to hear more!

Do you wanna know?

2011-06-23T09:20:00.003+12:00

I've got to that awkward point a lot of bloggers reach when they have been writing for a while (and in my case, three years!). A big change comes in your life and it's quite consuming - for me this is the wedding. For Kez, it is having a baby. All of a sudden, your "lifestyle blog" may seem more like a wedding blog or a mummy blog and that's not the reason that your readers started reading in the first place.

Getting married is such a huge change in my life. I sat down to write this blog this morning and realised that all the neat stuff I wanted to tell you all was wedding-related. To be honest, the rest of the week was a bit of a shitter! A lot of what I mull over in my spare time is either weight loss and exercise related (and I already blog on the Shrinking Violets blog about that) or wedding/marriage/Mr & Mrs Scribbles future related. Herein lies the dilemma.

I can talk about the other stuff but on a week like the one that's just been that is just depressing. My mum is having a hard time with getting colds on chemo, my only grandma has been in hospital and had several complications, I had to break up a fight between students on Thursday - not only was I deeply embarrassed at their behaviour but I pulled a muscle in my back. One might say I'm trying to avoid the negative... and I totally AM. I don't want to really talk or even think about all of that stuff.

The stuff I'm loving in my life is booking vendors, developing a vision for our wintery wedding and trying out crafty ideas. Designing a relatively unique wedding band to go with my engagement ring. Talking with SB about our future, the wedding, the honeymoon and beyond. I guess my question to you all is "Are you interested about hearing about all that stuff? Or should I be keeping it real?"

I'd love to hear from you.

Monday Musings

2011-06-13T10:27:00.002+12:00

As a teacher, I often wonder where we have missed out on teaching our young people to be independent. There seems to be a real lack (in all schools I have taught at so far) of social maturity, the ability to set goals and achieve them, the ability to monitor behaviour through self-evaluation. Students used to have it and now they don't - not to the same level. It leaves me a conundrum as a teacher - how do I even begin to change this?

The full SB and Scribbles immediate family met yesterday at a family lunch at C.A.C in Mount Eden. It's a middle Eastern inspired tapas restaurant and it is SO good. We wish it was closer to home - with great mocktails (better for weight watchers) and a variety of different and delicious food, it's well worth the visit if you are in the area.

Lululemon Athletica has opened in the central city! Absolutely loved visiting it with Mama Scribs and Little Sis Scrib on Saturday... now to get down to goal so I can invest in their fantastic sportswear!

We've booked the venue for our wedding... I don't think I realised how much that was stressing me out until I got home yesterday afternoon and CRASHED. I don't think I got off the couch for about three hours! In my defense, I did use the down time to work on pages for our wedding website (why pay someone else when you can create one yourself?)

I'm so excited about some big changes coming up in my friends' lives. We're all growing up!

I was having a text conversation with one of my darling Aussie friends; she thought I was being very level-headed about the whole wedding business. I'm super-excited (don't get me wrong!) about the big party and spending time with the people we love. In the end though, what matters is the marriage, the fact that I'll be a wife and that commitment that we're making to each other. Everything else is just icing (delicious, gorgeous icing).

On the subject of icing, has anyone had any experience buying jewellery off Amazon and getting it sent to Australasia? I would love to hear from you!

Grown-up stuffs

2011-06-05T15:02:00.002+12:00

Talking to some of my students the other day, I realised that no matter how old you are... some life changes seem more grown up than you feel. For my older students, it is the thought that a year from now, they will no longer be at school. A significant percentage of them will be in some form of tertiary education but it's not the same (as I'm sure that many of you can attest to). Some will be working. Although young, some will move out of home, get jobs and be financially responsible. Chronologically, they're definitely old enough - I moved out of home at seventeen - but it does scare the pants off some of them... that this change in life is very grown up and more grown up than they feel.

I don't think it ever changes. It seems odd (but awesome, don't get me wrong) to me that we're discussing wedding plans and registries and combined incomes - at 28 and 26 we're definitely old enough to be making these changes and we're some of the last of our friends to do so - but it's a big step. Other friends have similar big life changes - mortgages and babies for a start. As we look to our parents' generation, we can see that they are having to make the adjustment to being grandparents and they also don't feel "old" enough to be the grandparents (although they made their parents grandparents at a similar age).

They say that you are only as old as you feel... and for me, that age differs. My students don't remember apartheid or a time when the internet didn't exist, that makes me feel old! Get me on a dance floor on a Saturday night and I feel sixteen again. Licking the filling of a cupcake and the pleasure I get from that experience makes me feel about three! I'm so excited to be moving forward in the story of my life but this new chapter will take some time to not feel so grown up!

Shot of coffee, vodka shots?

2011-06-01T17:56:00.002+12:00

Just small shots of information for you today Scribblettes - much busier than I had expected this week! And may I just say - JUNE! How the heck did it get to June already? And it's already halfway through Term 2... (teachers always think in Terms)... we'll hear sleigh bells ringing before we know it!

I've been quite ill over the past week with what seems to be side-effects of the medication I'm on for my PCOS. I swapped over to the subsidised medication as a cost-saving measure and got migraines, vomiting and faint spells. Uncool. I have swapped back and have also been lucky to find a chemist close to work that is not charging the massive mark-up that some chemists have been charging.
I'm feeling a little bit of stasis at the moment on the wedding planning - we finally got the guest list nutted out (my goodness, that has to be the hardest part!) and we have appointments booked in to visit our preferred venues for engagement party and wedding reception... not much we can do until we book in those places (everything else sort of hinges around the dates we end up getting). I've been trying to do small things; today after school I went to see what the jewellers had in wedding bands that would work with my ring.
I do not understand why teenage boys punch each other all the time... testosterone probably. I also struggle with what to do when they fight in the class room. Most of my youngest students are bigger than me.
I am looking forward to cooking shepherd's pie for dinner tonight! Definitely a sign that winter is here.
I am frustrated that I have no internet at work - it means I have so much more to do when I am at home!
I am a budget queen at the moment (more on that next post!) - I thrifted a ring holder during my lunch break for $1.5o!

What's good with you all?

400th post!

2011-05-22T16:11:00.002+12:00

Can you guess what the special news I promised is? Yes, SB liked and he put a ring on it! Last Saturday, to be precise. I'm kind of amazed, in this digital age, that we managed to keep it under wraps for so long! It was really important for us to be able to tell some of our most important people face to face; to our friends and family's credit, they seemed to take that to heart and contain their excitement. Who knows what would have happened if we'd asked them to wait another week? LOL.

More details to come soon :)

Long in the keyboard...

2011-05-17T10:09:00.002+12:00

This is my 399th post! That in itself kind of blows my mind - that I've written that much in what seems to me to be a short amount of time. It's really not though, I first started writing Scribbles back in the middle of 2008. Back then, I'd returned to university and was struggling through my first year missing my full-time income, working in an arts centre and reading extensively through my English-heavy arts diploma. I was still getting over my break-up with Ex-S, coming to terms with living at home and it was the year that Mama Scribbles was first diagnosed with cancer.

Now I'm a fully-fledged teacher and the days of study are behind me. I've met a wonderful man and we've been together over two years; he makes me realise what utter douchebags most of the guys from my past were. We live together (in sin LOL) in a house that we have made our home. Our friends' lives have changed too - marriages, babies, even the odd divorce or two. Mama Scribbles has been in remission twice and is learning to live with her cancer now as a chronic condition. I read back on my old blog posts with a smile for the me I used to be... I don't feel like that person anymore :)

At dinner the other week with Bronwen, we discussed how old we were compared to other bloggers... we're possibly the first generation ever to post our diaries online LOL. I don't know in future whether Scribbles will be the right avenue for me to continue on with... but I know that it suits me still for now. I love all of you that read and as such, be prepared for a massive 400th post!

Exhaustion... the Hollywood kind

2011-05-10T16:57:00.003+12:00

Right now I am sitting on the couch in a flop... still using the heater to dry off washing (item by item) and blogging so I can't say that I am completely lazy but I know that I've sure run out of energy! Why so exhausted? A busy week last week followed by a fantastic weekend - I have nothing but an awesome life to blame for being so tired LOL.

First week of term is always a bit of an effort - even teenagers take a while to settle when they have had a change in routine. I still loved getting back into my routine - I guess I am a creature of habit :D Highlight of the week definitely had to be one of my students asking me where I worked! Bless him for thinking that I just did it for the fun of it :) I definitely was looking forward to the weekend, however, and this is why:

a dinner date with Leah, Bronwen and Aimee. The drive over to Takapuna was long (espesh in the rain) but was totally worth it. A bit devastated that Leah and Aimee are both heading overseas fairly shortly - top quality girlies!
a lunch date with SB - we went to C.A.C in Mt Eden. The food was delicious and the architecture amazing - a wonderful renovation of an old stone building. He then took me to MOTAT in the afternoon; bless the man, he knows he's dating a total museum nerd.
a surprise party for a friend's 25th - although I think that we've safely established that that particular group of friends sucks at waiting quietly! E was surprised though and that is the main thing.
a photo shoot on Sunday for Miss Melicious cupcakes - I'm going to be a cupcake cutie! This woman is seriously talented, not only does she make divine cupcakes but she did all the make-up and hair for the shoot. You can also follow her on Facebook!
a family dinner on Sunday - I love Thai food! And my mummy!

Very busy Monday didn't help either! SB woke me up this morning and I promptly went back to sleep - not a good start. All I have left to do on my list today is dinner, laundry and exercise so hopefully an earlier night for me tonight! Hard to complain about being tired when life for the most part is being pretty awesome :)

What's cool with you, Scribblettes?

Ladies who lunch...

2011-04-25T19:27:00.003+12:00

Last Wednesday my mother and I went to Tea Royale at the Langham Hotel in Auckland City. The Langham is known for their fabulous high teas and it was something that both she and I had wanted to do. The Tea Royale was a special menu that they were hosting in celebration of the upcoming royal wedding and they had worked with with a local milliner, Natalie Chan, so that the area played host to a whole range of fabulous headpieces. The Winery (the area of the hotel set up for the high teas) has all these lovely armchairs that you just sink into... at least, I think it was the chair and not the glass of champagne!

The menu was amazing:

Yorkshire pudding with roast beef and horseradish cream
Profiteroles filled with goat's cheese and plum compote (A-may-zing)
Prawn and spring onion sandwiches (not a huge fan of prawn, loved this!)
Petite egg sandwiches with silver accents (don't eat egg so lucky Mum got two)
Honey and ham biscuit
Earl grey and orange marinated salmon with honey mustard sauce on pumperknickel
Pretty in Pink cupcake
Opera cake with a Baileys liqueur centre (quite strong on the Baileys :D)
Peppermint jelly on chocolate crunch (odd but delicious)
Royal vanilla creme brulee
Champagne mousse with cherry glaze
Fresh fruit tartlets with lemon curd
Pistachio macaroon with vanilla cream (was too full to finish, this got left out)
Freshly baked scones in "regal rose" and "rum & raisin" flavours with cream and marmalade (don't like raisins so I ate BOTH the regal rose... so crispy yet soft)
St Honore's vanilla cream with crunchy meringue, raspberries and lychees and a rose petal mousse (FAVOURITE)

In addition to that, we also got a glass of champagne and a pot of tea of our choice! For only NZ$59, that is a total bargain. An amazing experience and we WILL be back! Go there if you have the chance :D

This is not a sponsored post, we just had so much fun I had to tell you!

Vote for Smaggle!

2011-04-21T11:19:00.003+12:00

You will notice a new widget on the side of my blog - Vote for Carly/Smaggle! Carly, also known as the lovely Lady Smaggle, is in the running to blog from the front row of RAFW. What an amazing experience! I know she will do a brilliant job if she wins - check out some of her previous blog posts on fashion shows! There's a way in which she writes that makes fashion so relatable to those of us who aren't quite so fashion-forward.

So make this Scribble smile and vote for one of our favourite Aussie web friends (entries close on 27th of April so click the widget now)! Thanks so much!

Building the best me...

2011-04-09T12:22:00.002+12:00

Inspired by some of the steps that my girl Tara has been taking in order to be her best self, I've been working to ... get myself back. I think that's the best way of looking at it. I used to be fit, I used to be trim, I used to be healthy and I'm not anymore. It's not all bad, though. Sixteen-year-old me would have had no clue on how to put on a nice face of make-up, was quite happy to leave the house without brushing my hair and had very little understanding of personal style. Twenty-six year old me is a lot more vain LOL and has learnt a lot along the way.

Many of the goals I set at the start of the year were working towards this "better me". Losing weight is definitely important in terms of health - and actually far more important than in terms of looks. My propensity to carry weight all over my body makes it less obvious exactly how big I am. Exercise is also very important - I want to get back to that uberfit kid who could run and not feel like they were falling apart. Lately I've realised how important it is to take time for myself and unwind and relax... I want to be warm and kind and loving and nurturing of the good things in life and I can't do that if I'm strung out.

You could say that this year is a year of fixing everything within me that's broken. Some is emotional - like my relationship with food - and some is physical. With SB's encouragement, I've started seeing a physiotherapist. He's dealing with two major issues I need to overcome - tension headaches caused by stress through the shoulders (LOL I just had to readjust my shoulders while writing this post) and a knee issue that has always existing but has been exacerbated by an accident I had eight years ago and minor falls I've had ever since.

So I am sitting here currently (with my leg raised) with my knee strapped into place. It's meant to stop the knee cap sliding out of the socket both left and right and prevent any pivotal movement of the knee - that currently causes a lot of pain. It's amazing how limiting this actually is. There was a man gardening next door to the physio as I tried to hop into my car to drive home. I didn't realise that I had said "Well this is going to be f***ing interesting" aloud until I heard him laugh as I mangled myself into my car. I climb stairs like a nana and the step-twist motions that Zumba requires are completely out.

It is a little bit frustrating to be limited to squats, leg extensions and slow walking, right at a point when I have really bought in to exercise as a lifestyle. It seems almost counter-intuitive that limiting myself now will help me become a fitter person in the long run. I just need to feel better that limitations now will lead to freedom in the long run - and I'm already getting used to this with weight. I can do this as well.

Anyone else been through significant physio rehab? How did you cope?

Quiet around here...

2011-04-03T11:20:00.003+12:00

I haven't really posted because I didn't know what to say... those of you who have been reading for a long time will know that Mama Scribbles has battled cancer twice. Since the end of last year there has been some to-ing and fro-ing over possible metastatic growths showing up on scans and unfortunately this was recently confirmed. I've tried to think of the best way to explain it on my blog but really she explained it best in the email she sent out to family and friends.

Some excerpts below:

We have a plan, I am starting an oral chemo (chemo in tablet form) called capecitibine – brandname Xeloda. I will keep having this as long as it is having an effect - until treatment effectiveness plateaus (there is no further shrinkage of tumour or drop in tumour markers in my blood tests). I will then have a 6 month break, if it remains stable for those 6 months there is a possibility of trying more rounds of Xeloda to maintain.

If while on the chemo or within the 6 month break when treatment effectiveness has plateaued more metastasis appear or this one continues to grow, we will be looking at switching to a different chemo. Given the pattern/timeframe of the cancer’s recurrence so far, the doctor is hopeful for any single treatment protocol to be effective for at least 18 months. The lesion/tumour on my liver has grown markedly since it first became apparent on the December scan and as of my scan (in) March is approx. 4.2 cm x 3.5cm in size and is located in the area of my liver that is roughly adjacent to my right shoulder blade – just under my diaphragm.

All of this is not great news as we move to more of a control mode rather than looking at me being completely cured. Prognosis now is very dependent now on how effective each chemo protocol is at controlling progression. For the meantime, we have decided life will on as normally as possible, but there are issues we do need to think about now such as quality of life, priorities if and when treatment doesn’t work etc.

So what does this mean for Mama Scribbles? As she said, control, not cure. I was surprised how hard that hit me. We've always known that it was a possibility and moving to it being an actuality affected me more than it would. Hearing mum talking about what she would tell LilSis when medication was no longer an option, it struck me - there will come a point when medicines and treatment DON'T work anymore. Her prognosis is quite open-ended and a lot will depend on how well and for how long these treatments work but at this stage I'd feel blessed if she was around long enough to see me married and my children being born.

I probably sound like I'm keeping it together a lot more than I am (I'm sorry Mum, I'm not quite as strong as I appear). I can't deny that I've cried (a lot) and stuck the middle finger up at God going "Really? Seriously? Want to shove my face in the muck a little bit more?". I think my body went into tension overload on Friday which caused me to throw up and then spend the best part of two days in bed. SB has been an absolute star through all of it though and I'm so glad I have him in my life. Today is a new day however and it's time to suck it up and move on. Live and love life, for as long as we all have it.

Friday Grammar Nerd Fun!

2011-03-25T09:21:00.003+13:00

I subscribe to a professional community that is rather particular about the grammar used in our governing documents - there is uproar at the moment about documents being listed as "different to" rather than "different from"... while there are those that argue that both are equally acceptable, you wouldn't use the opposite "similar from", would you?

Hee hee grammar nerds.

In order to lighten the mood, one of the posters put out this little gem - hopefully it makes you smile too!

Do not put statements in the negative form.
If any word is inappropriate at the end of a sentences, an auxillary verb
is.
Profanity and slang suck big time.
Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.
It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms.
Never use a big word when a hypocoristic will suffice.
Avoid tautology: it is both unnecessary and redundant.

Happy Friday!

Exercise - my goal nemesis

2011-03-23T19:36:00.002+13:00

Remember my list of goals from the start of the year?

The hardest one by far this month has been exercise. I could make all the excuses in the book about migraines and massive bruises after blood donating and and work stress and life stress... and to a certain extent all of that stuff is true. It's also what let me get out of shape and flabby in the first place.

I can keep my diet under control for the most part (with the occasional addition of an exceptional fail - like the KFC chips today to satisfy my PMS salt craving) and I am losing weight... but part of the journey towards health includes exercise and becoming fit. It is my hope that I'll experience less fatigue and ill health as I get fitter and healthier... which means that I need to push through the fatigue and ill health now.

I did make it through a Zumba Sculpt and Tone work out this afternoon - 35 mins of an moderate intensity exercise. Thirty minutes of activity a day has to be the go from now on.

*In secret news today, there were discussions today of a position at work that would see me a lot more physically active next year... so I DEFINITELY need to get in shape.

Bits and Pieces

2011-03-14T14:00:00.002+13:00

IRL Info:

At last Monday's weigh in, I made my WW check-point goal of 10 kg (since 22.11.10). This is 5.9 kg since I established my personal goals for this year; 26% of the way to my goal of 22 kg lost this year. Quarter of the way in just less than quarter of a year? I'll take that!
I had the most productive weekend last weekend - laundry is all up to date, washed, folded and put away; wardrobes and spare room pruned for excess stuff that has now been put aside for donation to friends or church; pantry and freezer cleared and restocked... and then last night SB and I helped rip out the church carpet as a new one is being put in this week
On that note, wear OLD clothes to rip out carpet - we severely underestimated how dirty/fluffy you get pulling out 30+ year old carpet!

Blog Related:

I had the best afternoon last Wednesday hanging out with my girl Sarah (of Yes and Yes fame) - we went to a chocolate cafe, got kicked out at closing and then moved onto a bar to finish chatting! If you don't read this wonderful lady's blog you should start!
Ms Poached Egg's post on The Shrinking Violets really spoke to me - I started tracking my eating on paper again last week but also made notes as to mood and body feel, it's honestly like getting to know your body all over again.
Congrats to eemusings on her engagement! It was delightful to hear her thoughts on engagement, marriage and the meeting of the families!

What can you change?

2011-03-11T10:22:00.002+13:00

If you follow me on Twitter you will have seen that yesterday I was in a pretty emo mood. I don't want to go into a lot of detail on here but I felt like some people who should know better are treating me in a pretty shitty manner. I guess the operative phrase here is "should know better" - I expect a certain amount of crap from my students because they are snotty teenagers. When it comes to adults, I expect better.

Why do I expect better? I was brought up in a household that encouraged me to do what ever I did to the best of my ability. I work hard to be a good daughter (stop laughing Mum, you know I try), a good girlfriend, a good teacher and a good friend. In the last two fields I'm feeling some push back from a selected few people... that the way they are treating me shows they feel that I am not a good teacher or a good friend.

While wallowing in my misery last night (as SB did my chores, bless him) I asked myself "Why am I so hurt by this?". If I got down to the basics it was because I felt like I busted my ass for these colleagues and these friends and I felt like there was no appreciation, nay, no recognition of me going above and beyond the "call of duty". It's almost like that relationship saying "Don't make someone your priority if you are only their option".

This morning I dealt with the second hard question "What can YOU change?". I can't change my colleague's perception of me. I can't change the friends who seem to be doing a piss poor job of actually being my friend. I can change:

my perception of my current situation - I am spending TOO much time thinking about those people who are impacting me negatively
my response to those negative people - instead of swallowing my colleague's comments, I can actually stand up to them. Just because you have been teaching for 15 years doesn't make you a better teacher
my martyr attitude - I know that these friends are not going to be the ones to support me when I need it... why do I keep putting myself on the line for them? Stop it, Scribs! Stop being such a damn doormat.

I already feel like such a weight has been lifted off my chest... don't focus on the things you can't change, Scribblettes. Instead, think "What can you change?"

A bigger stretch...

2011-03-09T11:32:00.002+13:00

After spending up large on gifts and experiences in January/February I settled down last night to look at my bank accounts. Mixed emotions really... it was pay day so I paid off my credit card - that in itself shows a better grasp on my money, that I can pay my credit card off every fortnight. I know some people are able to go without credit cards but I love being able to shop online and earn rewards points at the same time.

But...

(and you knew there was one of those coming)

by the time that I had paid off my credit card, and transfered money to SB for bills (they're paid out of his account) and factored in that my car needs some rust repair before I can get my Warrant of Fitness (and this needs to be done by the end of the month!) my formerly plump bank account started to look a little on the slim side. I had been contemplating have a spending splurge to get myself set up for winter but the car has to come first!

I'm still living with a small bank account, feeling the repercussions of a long period of studying and this really limits me when it comes to expenses that are out of the usual. I've got to the point where I'm not stressing about how to make ends meet but I am still having to be cunning about planning the timeline for when each pair of ends will be meeting (stretching the metaphor, I know). It's time for a "go hard or go home" goal here people!

By May 14th, I will be out of overdraft!

You saw it here first people! With an fun budget of $50 per week and some careful planning, I can do it!

Read in February... and the best part of a week in March

2011-03-05T17:05:00.003+13:00

My reading definitely went down a few notches over the last month but I'm still happy with the amount of reading I managed to get done!

11. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

Definitely my favourite Austen novel, I think I identify with the heroine, Catherine, the most out of all the teen heroines of Austen novels... I definitely did some stupid things and let myself get carried away by mysteries!

12. Women, Food & God: An unexpected path to almost everything by Geneen Roth

Recommended to me by one of the Shrinking Violets, the book is a book that any woman with disordered eating (and not just an Eating Disorder) should read. Despite the title (which with my Christian background did not turn me off), this book is valuable reading for any woman who uses food as a crutch. It's really empowered me to assure myself that if hunger is not the problem then eating is not the answer

13. Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella

Something I assumed would be light and fluffy actually surprised me! The heroine faces the challenge of amnesia and coming to grips with her new persona. It made me question what my life would be like if all I had to go on was other people's perceptions of me.

14. The Cry of the Go-Away Bird by Andrea Eames

Ah, at last I got to read the book written by my dear friend Andrea! Having followed the progress through her blog, it was like getting to see a new baby after waiting ever-so long! Well worth the wait too! The characters stick vividly in your mind and you remember them with empathy long after you have put the book down. The book is now being passed through my department at work and I can't wait to get it back for a second read. Buy it now!

15. Queen Camilla by Sue Townsend

A bizarre novel set in an alternate universe where dogs are high intellectuals and the monarchy are kept in ghettoes along with the obese, the corrupt and the white trash! I started reading the novel thinking that it all sounded pretty silly but by the end I was dying to know what happened! Harry wearing a hoodie all the time to hide his ginger hair gave me a laugh too!

16. Cost by Roxana Robinson

A sad tale of a family falling apart in many different ways after the discovery that one of their sons is a heroine addict. While the writing was disjointed in places I found that the heart of the novel spoke of truth and how love can be shown in so many different ways

10 months to go, 36 more books to read!

Drive-by Cleaning!

2011-02-28T10:24:00.002+13:00

After a lot of last week being a dead loss to me (PMS and Christchurch stress) I seemed to perk up on Friday after *ahem* losing the plot with some of my naughty students - sometimes it's just good to yell, right? I went out for a fantastic dinner (celebrating SB's and my birthdays) at a local Thai place with friends and woke up Saturday morning feeling more invigorated than I had all week.

Just as well, I had stuff to do.

After I'd plowed through the school work I needed to complete that morning (as an aside: anyone who says teachers work 9-3 deserve a punch in the face) it was on to tidying the house. It wasn't dirty per se... just a whole bunch of stuff was not in the right place and consequently the house had a cluttered and untidy feel. It took me about an hour to get the place in tiptop shape and I felt more relaxed once it was done. SB was so happy when he got home too - he's a little bit less slovenly than I!

It was then I decided that I would try and maintain the state of cleanliness in the house - it would certainly save the embarrassments of the past when SB's friends have come in to see my big frilly bras on the couch! So each night as I head to bed I have decided to do a drive-by cleaning of the lounge - no more than ten minutes just making sure that everything goes to a sensible home. Two bonuses here - tidy lounge and I'm more relaxed for bed!

Fingers crossed I can keep this up! Do you have any cleaning secrets?

The Day NZ was rocked...

2011-02-23T19:59:00.007+13:00

Yesterday was SB's 28th birthday. Yesterday was also the day that the landscape of Christchurch changed forever. We live in Auckland, an hour's flight and a day and half drive away from Christchurch, so the earthquake has had no major change on our day to day life... but boy, NZ is hurting and we are hurting too.

I first heard the news when I was out on the field at school, "Christchurch has had another earthquake". It's been so common that I shrugged it off. A quick stop in at my desk showed the situation to be far more serious. We knew fairly early on in the afternoon that our close family were okay (at least in a physical sense) and further investigation showed that two other of my Christchurch friends were safe. It was such a relief to wake this morning to a message from Bridey letting us know that her and her hubby were out of harm's way... the thought that they were not had weighed heavily on my mind all night. So we have been lucky... we know that others have not.

My cousins work in the medical field and have been on the ground all night, pushed to their emotional limits. B had started work yesterday at 7 am, arrived home this morning and at 4 pm was still struggling to get to sleep. Yet the TV plays the picture of the cathedral over and over again. 134 big stone steps in the tower that SB and I climbed on our first holiday together in Christchurch. The foggy view we looked out at as we hugged each other tight in the early morning, foggy ourselves from our early morning flight. A view that for now, is forever changed.

I think it probably goes without saying that posts will be fairly sparse around here while we work out how we can help. Thoughts, prayers and sparkly vibes all accepted here.

Celebrate good times - come on!

2011-02-20T21:22:00.002+13:00

It's been a busy time in the Scribbles/SB household - February through the beginning of March is traditionally (LOL I can say that now we've been together as long as we have) a hectic time for us as we have family birthdays, Valentine's Day, both our birthdays, our dating anniversary and my parents' wedding anniversary. This year also saw a hen night/bachelorette event, a wedding and an engagement party thrown in the mix, with both the wedding and the engagement party happening this past weekend!

I woke up Friday morning and was round to the parentals by 9 am to borrow Middle Sis' hot rollers. I got Mama Scribs to paint my nails to make the best use of the down time. It was off home to finish the transformation - make up and one of two dresses I bought with the bride the previous weekend. An hours drive to the venue, a beautiful wedding then off to SB's aunt to drop off our luggage - she kindly offered to put us up for the night. A cooling glass of juice then off to meet up with my family for dinner. Back to the hotel that a lot of the family stayed at for a celebratory glass of Baileys - something my family does in remembrance of my grandmother. Back to SB's aunt to crash on our floor bed.

We woke up on Saturday morning and put the room back to rights and had breakfast. I worked out on the exercycle (6 kms) and then got presentable for a post-wedding brunch. Had brunch/lunch. Washed all the dishes for said brunch - I never do dishes and this was a SERIOUS amount of dishes - think plates, cutlery and platters for 20 odd people. Drove an hour back home, stopping part way at the grocery store. Got home, sat down for half an hour, got up and cooked dinner. Ate dinner, glammed up and went out to engagement party. Stayed at engagement party til it ended, went out to a local bar for a couple of hours. Came home and lay in bed talking to SB... don't actually remember stopping talking but woke up late this morning!

This weekend has just been INSANE. You know what though? I loved it. We had the best time celebrating two couples' love for each other and touching base with family and friends. Do I feel like I could do with another day on my weekend? Sure! But I'll go to work tomorrow tired and content :D

New world and all I wanna do is sleep...

2011-02-12T12:46:00.002+13:00

I think one could safely say that I crashed and burnt this week - by Friday I was struggling to keep my eyes open past 8:30 pm. Thursday dinner had been a complete and utter fail (Hell Pizza chicken tenders and garlic bread) and Friday's followed (a bacon and cheese baked potato) and my calorie/point intake had shot up dramatically. I always seem to eat more when I am exhausted - like my body wants extra fuel because I'm forcing it to keep going when it doesn't want to anymore.

Why did this happen? I think that whenever we're placed in a new environment (house, job, city), you can be subject to brain overload. Starting my new job in a new school, learning 100 new names, new rules, new routines has definitely been mentally taxing. I'm also in a position where I am constantly more active than I have been in previous positions and that adds up to exhaustion!

So what did I do? Slept for eleven hours last night - I don't do it often but boy, does it make a difference when I do! I woke up this morning feeling like my normal self again, full of energy to start the day. Sometimes early to bed and late to rise is the answer!

What is the longest you've ever slept, Scribblettes? Why?

First Monthly Wine Club!

2011-02-06T12:37:00.003+13:00

Goal #3 of my 2011 goals was to establish a monthly event at which I could hang out with my girls - increase that female bonding time now that we are mostly coupled up and create some really fun memories. I think it's very easy to fall into that relationship trap: you save all the "fun" stuff to do with your partner-in-crime. While it's important to share great times with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/long-term-life-partner, it's also important to cultivate those relationships amongst women that can guide us into our future lives.

So last Friday we had our first monthly Wine Club! For those of you wanting to try something similar amongst your own group of friends, here's how we did it.

Select a venue - I was happy to host as it was my idea. At the club others volunteered to host a club night at their house so we will be rotating duties (at least amongst those who want to - four other girls have popped up their hands)
Select a date that will work frequently - we have gone with the first Friday of the month as (on the whole) people are less likely to be booked up with important events on a Friday.
Select your guests - I just put out a Facebook invite to gauge interest.
Select a wine type - we made it quite easy for our first meeting and the directive was to bring any Australian sparkling wine. Next month, everyone must bring a Pinot Gris.
Set a price cap - ours is $25. This makes it an affordable event for everyone.
Make some nibblies - if your group is anything like ours, we don't believe in spitting after tasting! You will need some food to soak up the alcohol. I went for quick and easy - dark chocolate covered liquorice, microwave popcorn with a bit of manuka-smoked garlic salt on the top and salmon and cream cheese on bagel toast pieces. Took me about half an hour to prepare
Make sure you have tasting cups - plastic sample cups or shot glasses (I got 40 for less than eight dollars at the supermarket and could probably have got them for cheaper if I'd taken the time to look)
Taste each wine - the person who purchased that bottle of wine introduces it, says where they purchased it and how much it cost
Vote for the best wine and award the trophy - in our case, it is a little stuffed animal that will live with the winner for a month
Finish off the bottles! Ha ha ha not a requirement; I did feel like a total lush when it came time to take the bottles out to the recycling bin
Sit around and chat about life and love :D Set an official date/location for the next event and bid everyone adieu!

It was SO much fun and I'm really looking forward to our next event in March! Exciting!

Goals Update - Feb 2011

2011-02-02T17:47:00.000+13:00

Goals are nothing without accountability so I am updating how well I have done to date!

1. Lose 22 of the 31 kgs I have left to lose - only lost 1.4 kgs in January, less than expected. Amping my efforts up for February!

2. Get out of debt (apart from student loans) - I can definitely see the progress in this so far, feeling much more at ease. SB and I have also set a financial tone for the year so that we can reach our goals.

3. Organise a monthly social event with all my girls - All set for Wine Club this Friday!

4. Exercise at least three times a week - Have stuck with this aside from the week in which I had stitches in my arm.

5. Have monthly filing/organisational binges - having one this Sunday! I had hoped to have it on the last weekend of Jan but it was just insanely busy (three major events)

6. Take the stairs whenever possible - my attitude to exercise has definitely changed... I'm feeling more and more that it is something that I want to do.

7. Dry-brush before every shower - not 100% but I definitely feel better when I do, more energetic

8. Moisturise daily - again not 100% but definitely more than I used to. Can totally tell the difference in my skin!

9. Read 52 books this year - 10 so far!

10. Spend less than $60 per clothing item this year (except bras and dresses for extremely special occasions, ie. weddings) - all good so far! Have a wedding coming up this month and I'm waiting until the last minute to buy the dress. Hoping for a couple of really big loss weeks.

11. Make more - definitely trying to do more at home meals, make more of our own entertainment at home - it definitely helps with goal number 2!

Quick Scribbles

2011-01-28T18:32:00.003+13:00

On Monday, I went to weigh-in. No change. I was pretty pissed off with myself... one of the books I have read recently talks about hitting the wall at six weeks. I'm a little bit late, but think I hit it. However, this blog has really kick-started my motivation again. So many fab women who have made amazing changes, I can do it too!
It has really challenged me to get back into a schedule when I am out of the house the majority of the day - midmorning is now not an ideal time to exercise (I don't think my students would take too kindly to me excusing myself from the class to go for a run)
Professional development actually has value when done right - I've spent the last two days in workshops and they have definitely added value to both my professional and personal life. Funny that theories for interpersonal relationships in the workplace also have value in your home and social life!
I have a crazy weekend - crazy awesome but a bit daunting. It is SB Bro's birthday tonight, SB and I are attending a 50th tomorrow and I have a hen night on Sunday (we're going to the races - fun!).
I get a free lunch at school! Great for goal of getting out of debt, not so much for weight loss. I've been very careful over the last couple of days to control portion sizes and so far it seems to work :D
I am so excited for the school year to start! I know my students probably can't think of anything worse but hopefully my enthusiasm is contagious.

Making improvements...

2011-01-19T14:09:00.002+13:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen that my morning was spent getting my teeth whitened by a mobile teeth whitening service. I keep walking to mirrors and holding my mouth open like a horse getting teeth checked. They aren't super-white but they are definitely whiter and it makes me more confident about smiling with my lips parted.

It got me thinking about my goals for this year and how there's an overarching theme of making an improvement in the way I look. I think that this year (well, the end of last year) is the first time in a long time that I've been honest about the dissatisfaction I have with the way I look. It's also the first time in a long time I've been willing to make looking after myself a priority.

I think a large part of it is my relationship. SB encourages me to take that time for myself, doesn't care if dinner is late on the table or if I want some time to exercise. It's not that he wants a super-hot, super-skinny girlfriend (boy, would he be SOL if that was the case) but he wants a girlfriend who is confident and happy with how she looks - someone who loves herself as much as she loves her boyfriend. I struck it lucky, guys!

Any supportive partners out there, Scribblettes? How are they helping you "make improvements"?

Working out?

2011-01-15T20:31:00.003+13:00

One of my goals for this year has been working out (or exercise) at least three times a week. It's all very well accomplishing goals when you are buzzing and full of energy and activity but I knew the challenging week would be when all that disappeared.

This last week I have felt awful! I am on the pill for PCOS and I usually take it in six month bouts because quite frankly when I don't take it I feel scummy - persistent headache for about three days and the water retention of the Hoover Dam. I'm determined to hit my 5% weight loss goal on Monday weigh-in and knew three days out on the couch was out of the question. I needed to pull out my inner Jillian!

Anyone who has see The Biggest Loser knows that Jillian is far more scary than Bob. Usually my inner Bob works just fine... "Push it for another five minutes, you'll feel better for it, just think of how happy you'll feel when you see those (kgs) dropping" but I knew it wasn't going to cut it this week. I knew I'd defeat my inner Bob.

It was time to bring out my inner Jillian. On the treadmill, interval training..."Unless You Puke, Faint or Die, Keep Going!" "Do I look like the kind of person who gives a ****". I managed less than I would have liked but more than I could have imagined possible.

Sometimes you should be nice to yourself... but sometimes it works better to be just a little bit mean! It takes time to adjust to new habits and sometimes you need to give yourself a little kick up the arse when it feels hard to go on.

Your thoughts, Scribblettes?

Holiday Routine

2011-01-09T11:25:00.003+13:00

The past few weeks have been so choppy-changey that it has been hard to get any sort of order to them. Christmas was quite time-consuming this year as I took on Christmas dinner for SB's family and more responsibilities for food prep for my family's big Boxing Day do. We barely had time to let the turkey settle before we were off on the road for five days of holiday fun! We've been back since Monday night but with SB still on holiday we've been a little bit up in the air with what we are doing each day... and that's been great for the spirit but not so good for my fitness and health goals.

With SB heading back to work, I figured that it is time for me to get back into a routine as well. I want to make the best use of the time available to me. I've crafted a time-table to ensure I get the maximum benefit out of my days. It's completely flexible as I want to take full advantage of opportunities to socialise with my lovely friends but should hopefully get me off my rear on those days when I have absolutely nothing on. You know the ones where you just sit around like a vegetable watching day-time tele? Not for me anymore.

The Sensational Scribbles Mon-Fri Holiday Timetable

6:30-6:45 Get out of bed

6:45-7:30 Breakfast w. SB

7:30-7:45 E-Admin (emails, banking, whatevs)

7:45-8:15 Chores

8:15-9:15 Workout (this time is sacrosanct and won't be changed even on a social day)

9:15-10:00 Have a shower and get dressed/ready for the day

10:00-12:00 Computer time (I have a couple of little projects I'm working on over the holidays)

12:00-12:30 Lunch time

12:30-2:30 GOOTGH time (get out of the g*ddamn house time - the park, the library, just somewhere that isn't the house)

2:30-5:30 Chores/Chillaxing time (once chores are done, I can relax, read a book, whatever)

5:30 onwards - dinner prep, SB comes home, maybe a walk after dinner

By sticking to this schedule, I think I can make the most of the three weeks of holiday I have left while still feeling like I have a holiday.

How about you Scribblettes? Do you structure your down-time or are you more of a free spirit?

Read in January

2011-01-06T16:02:00.005+13:00

One of my goals this year is to read 52 books - for an English teacher, it should be easy but it's amazing how quickly life gets in the way. I did get a good start in January though, putting myself slightly ahead of one a week for the rest of the year!

1. The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

An intriguing story involving a pornographer-turned-burn-victim with links to fourteenth century Germany. A story that has you going"Okay..." at the start but gripped at the end. Stopped my pity about my bad sunburn on holiday.

2. The Queen's Sorrow by Suzannah Dunn

The story of Queen Mary's ascension to the throne and marriage told through the eyes of a Spanish sun-dial maker brought to England. Not quite as sharply written as Phillipa Gregory but you get a real sense of character

3. Handle With Care - Jodi Picoult

A pretty challenging read - this novel deals with the issue of abortion and when a life becomes a life. It was a really insight into the American legal system (particularly into the field of suing for medical malpractice, something very difficult to do in NZ) and the value people place on different relationships. The parts of the novel written from the perspective of being a sibling of a person with severe disability resounded with me in totally unexpected ways.

4. Dr Jekyll & Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson

My parents brought me back this novel from Samoa (RLS's resting place) and I hadn't managed to set aside time to read it. Many of us know the pop culture story of this tale but reading the tale gave it extra depth for me. I hadn't realised that it was a short story - contained in the book were other short stories, almost all hinging around a thrilling, almost gothic feel.

5. The Lady and the Unicorn - Tracy Chevalier

An interesting piece of historical fiction that focused on the medieval craft of tapestry. I particularly liked the honesty of how the book dealt with the treatment of women at the time, it was honest without being over the top

6. Perfect Match - Jodi Picoult

Heavy read... what would you do to avenge the ones you love? Very serious subject matter - sexual abuse, legal rulings, DNA and the definition of insanity. A full-on read but one I would definitely recommend to those readers who are really looking for something that pushes their personal boundaries.

7. Birthday Girls - Annabel Giles

A "fluffier" read, a tale of six birthday girls that winds itself into a convoluted resolution at the end. A good chick lit read.

8. Island Beneath the Sea - Isabel Allende

Historical fiction again, this time focusing on an area I knew very little about (French Colonial Haiti). Interesting to hear a story from a slave perspective on plantation land when most of the historical fiction I have read focuses on slave owners. I was particularly intrigued by the way the book dealt with mulattos (mixed race) as an almost separate third race. Living in multi-cultural NZ (where mixed race is possibly more normal than coming from one cultural group) it was intriguing to read about a country so defined by colour of skin.

9. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

A classic - have read it before and loved it, found I was picking up more the second time around. Still getting minorly confused when characters are being addressed by their Russian patronomics, but managed to get it pretty clear this time :D

10. The Lazy Girl's Guide to Losing Weight and Getting Fit - A.J. Rochester

This book has saved my butt... she doesn't beat around the bush. A lot of things in this book are common sense but in saying that, I needed it. After almost ten years of disordered eating it is almost like I am teaching myself to be a "normal" person again. Would recommend to anyone who has woken up to a self far heavier than you thought and who needs to learn what "healthy" lifestyles look like.

11 goals for 2011

2011-01-06T08:36:00.000+13:00

Finally (and the people rejoice...)

When re-assessing my goals for 2010 I found that the ones that I achieved were generally my more specific goals. Bearing that in mind, here are my goals for 2011.

1. Lose 22 of the 31 kgs I have left to lose - ideally I would lose the entire amount but I want this task to be achievable and this allows for some setbacks or off-weeks.

2. Get out of debt (apart from student loans) - I'm hoping for this to happen in the first quarter of next year but we'll see how we go with my new pay transitioning over.

3. Organise a monthly social event with all my girls - I'm thinking a wine club?

4. Exercise at least three times a week - I hope that it's more than that but this also accounts for those weeks when I am very busy. If I find that it is too easy, I'll up the ante :D

5. Have monthly filing/organisational binges - I'd like to pretend that I could keep up with this on a daily basis but that's simply not true. Doing this at the end of each month ensures that things don't get too crazy.

6. Take the stairs whenever possible - okay, this one isn't strictly measurable but it is important that I stop looking for the easy way out when it comes to incidental exercise.

7. Dry-brush before every shower - the benefits seem to be out there on the interwebs and this post from Gala Darling the other day reminded me of it. I have issues with my lymphatic system so I'm hoping that this helps.

8. Moisturise daily- I really need to take care of my skin this year if I'm hoping it will shrink with me!

9. Read 52 books this year - already at 2/52 but rereading Anna Karenina so this will take me some time :D

10. Spend less than $60 per clothing item this year (except bras and dresses for extremely special occasions, ie. weddings) - this will be a hard one to stick to, but until I reach my goal weight I need to accept that the clothes I purchase will be somewhat impermanent. The reason that bras are an exception? It's impossible to find cheap

large bras in NZ that don't look "nana".

11. Make more - think before purchasing whether this is something I could make/bake/fake at home!

Any big goals for you, Scribblettes?

Holiday Photos!

2011-01-04T13:14:00.012+13:00

I'm still working on assembling my 2011 goals post but didn't want to leave you hanging, Scribblettes! SB and I had a fantastic holiday over the New Year break in the north of the North Island of New Zealand and here are just some of the pics from that break. Click on the links below the pictures for further information :D Enjoy!

Hundertwasser Toilets

Some Christmas Viewing and Thanks

2010-12-24T09:31:00.004+13:00

Christmas Day will be very busy for us - SB and I are having breakfast and opening our presents to each other at home, hitting my parents' house for more presents and brunch/lunch then we're quickly whipping home and I'm getting dinner prepped for SB's family to have round here.

On a side note, I've started referring to them as the "out-laws" because they're not "in-laws" yet... I'm so funny :D

Boxing Day is also pretty busy for us as it is the day that the extended Scribbles family get together (and usually drunken Singstar LOL) and the SB/Scribs house is in charge of entrees this year. So all in all, the next couple of days will be BUSY! I will however post my goals for the year before we go away for New Years!

So this is my time to say thanks for reading all year! Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays! Be good over this holiday season and if you can't be good, be careful!

What about the money, honey?

2010-12-21T13:17:00.002+13:00

I just had a really weird conversation with one of my friends.

This Christmas it has become more clear to SB and I that with our combined life, having a combined bank account would be really handy. My work is more flexible and I'm often able to run more errands - a large amount of the Christmas presents we've bought have been discussed by us and then bought by me. Not to mention the pain-in-the-rear it is with his weekly budgeting and my fortnightly pay and the inevitable 2nd Tuesday night discussion of how much I need to transfer to his account to cover bills. It might work for others but for us, we've decided that when we decide to combine our lives officially, we may as well combine finances.

SB is in a considerably better financial position than I am (I know, on the web it often seems like things are the other way around) - he left school and went straight into employment, he lived rent-free (only paying expenses) until we moved in together. He has no debt from car purchases or student loans. I on the other hand... was pretty much in the financial pooh when we got together. All up, five and a half years of study had drained the well dry. My credit card was maxed out and my car (which cost me at least the purchase price in repairs in the four years after I got it) had ensured that I had stayed in overdraft pretty much as far as they will allow a student to go. A year later, the credit card is paid off and I'm attacking the overdraft... slowly.

Which leads me to the conversation I had today. Facebook chatting with a friend, she told me she was getting Subway today. I returned with I was eating what we had at home because we're trying to save money. She asked why and I returned with the fact that we are planning on merging our accounts but that I want to pay off my overdraft first. I did not expect the reaction I received. I got told that it was too soon (even though we will have been together over two years when we finally do merge the accounts), that it hadn't worked for her other friends (we don't even know their situation) and what if we broke up (uh, not planning on it)?

I was a bit stunned at the reaction - this isn't something that we've taken lightly. It's not even something that we're doing right now and we're still working on the fine tuning of when it will actually happen. I don't expect his investments to be counted in the pool of "our money" until we're married. As we get closer to the actual merge I have no doubt that there will be many more conversations about what will come from the "ours" account and what will come from the "his and hers" accounts.

I understand she's concerned... I understand for every positive experience that people have had, there's probably someone who has had a negative experience too. What is getting my goat the most is that she didn't even give me the chance to explain all of this.

Scribblettes, what's your experiences with money mergers? Have you had strong reactions from people too?

20 for 2010 - how did I do?

2010-12-13T13:32:00.002+13:00

So how did I do?

Goals

Get a teaching job - hopefully this will happen before 2010, but if not, it is my hope that I will be able to pick up a permanent role during the year. Achieved - it was only an LTR but it counted towards registration.
Take a yoga class - my work place (that I am leaving just before Christmas *scared face*) offers one for a decent price so I really don't have an excuse. Fail. I've been doing yoga in the lounge but that doesn't really count
Get fit - we are getting a Nintendo Wii soon and once we have a place that we know we are staying in next year we will be getting a treadmill - no excuse of crappy NZ weather. Achieved but still in progress. We did end up getting a treadmill and it's been good :D
Go on an overseas holiday - at the moment, it looks like New Caledonia for the win. SB is not fond of flying so we're taking it in baby steps. We went on another holiday within NZ and have another domestic holiday planned for New Years. We have a couple of international holidays in the planning stages.
Be more zen/foster patience - I know this is a huge character failing in myself and something I definitely need to improve on. Definitely getting there - being a full-time teacher really helps this.
Do little, often - this year, I have often been guilty of coming in and dumping notes in areas and having these massive cleaning binges in the holidays. Next year, when we are settled, I need to develop a better system. Everything has a place and everything is in it's place. Fail - enough said.
Buy a filing cabinet - see 6 above. Have no idea where we would currently put it, it's on hold.
Develop more pride in myself - multiple reasons have led me in the past to think that I am not very good looking and this has reflected itself in my neglect to put myself together in a spectacular way. This stops now - I have a slammin' wash and wear hairstyle, now I just need to sparkle up my face and make sure I put together gorgeous outfits. Style mavens, I'm looking at you. I give myself an A for effort for this one. Style is a journey rather than a destination and I think that I've made a real effort so far.
Be creative - so many of the handmade projects on the web inspire me. 2010 is going to be the year that I start creating them on my own. Getting there - I'm hoping that my time over the holidays allows me to develop my skills in these areas.
Give consciously - think about the best solution for an issue and work towards that. Start in my own community and group of friends and move outwards. Agree - next step is to sit down with SB and work out what priorities we have for giving together.
Bake more - one thing both SB and I love from our childhood years was how there was always something yummy of mum's baking around. I need to get into the habit now of creating these delicious treats (and then SB doesn't need to take so many processed snacks to work!)Cannot believe how much of a fail this is still is. Need better life balance.
In the same vein, I need to learn how to decorate cakes better. Have this brilliant idea for a Bachelorette party cake and NO idea how to execute it. Ditto
Take more photos - for some reason I didn't take as many photos this winter - I love having a photo record of the fun times I have and the beauty I see around me... loads of memories for when I'm gray and old LOL. Yup, definitely getting there. I need to be more insistent on getting the photos I want sometimes :)
Leading on from 13 above, create some scrapbooks! There's not much use in having all my memories stored digitally - they need to be out, tangible and beautiful for people to see. Win! Have a gorgeous photo album documenting SB and I.
Buy a sewing machine - it doesn't need to be a flash one, I'm just a beginner. Looking forward to perhaps trying to construct skirts that flatter my oddly shaped figure. Changed tangent halfway through the year - wanting to focus more on knitting and crochet at the moment.
Make more meaningful connections with people... this is a hard one to describe in detail. I feel like I know lots of people but only know a select few... I want to get to know people better, find out what drives them, excites them, makes them tick. I think some of my friendships have definitely grown stronger this year and some of them have grown apart. Reminds me of the reason, season, lifetime theory... this year it feels more true than ever.
Post more frequently to Scribbles - I've let life get away on me somewhat in the past year, so aiming for at least two posts a week in 2010 - that makes 104 little doses of me, which I'm sure you can tolerate :) Fail. No real excuse.
Throw more dinner parties! There's nothing I love more than getting a group of friends together for a delicious meal. The dinner party we had this year was superb (even if it was a make-your-own burrito bar) and I want loads more repeats please! This didn't work out quite as well as planned. Moving in the latter half of the year threw a serious spanner in the works... must try harder next year.
Start writing fiction like I have always planned to do... I'm not going to set a goal of even trying to get published next year but I need to start working towards it as a future goal. Because of study and because of the needs of my future profession, NaNoWriMo is never going to be an option for me but that doesn't mean I should not write. Hasn't happened LOL. And I don't have the same desire to do it that I did at the start of the year... hrmmmm
Write more letters - this is a bit of a selfish one... I like writing letters because I LOVE receiving them. Far better than boring bills. Haven't written as many letters as I would like but have made a concerted effort to stay in better touch with people whatever way I can. It's important to maintain connections.

Well, that's a real mixed bag of results... some failures that I definitely still want to achieve (baking more, crafting more) and some that I don't care about (writing fiction). Time to sit down and do some serious planning for next year... keep your eyes peeled for the results of that :D

Work - the final countdown!

2010-12-08T20:08:00.002+13:00

Play this while reading (LOL):

Today was a crazy day! I bid farewell to two of my junior classes for good and was suitably chuffed by how upset they seemed. As much as some of them dislike school, they really are quite patriotic (?) and very unhappy that I am "deserting them" for a "school full of rapists". I would love to stay at current school but there is no place for me there.

(By the way, new school has no rapists as far as I am aware. Kids!)

After wrapping that up I skived off early to go on a tour of my new school so that I was not a complete ignoramus at the start of next year. Met up with the new boss, she seems equally as awesome as the first time we met. New job does come with a lot of perks - in the country, not surrounded by industrial manufacturing; opportunities for professional development and free lunches (it is a boarding school so they have to feed the boarders LOL). I think it's a fantastic opportunity for me to experience such a different environment early in my career and I can't help but think that all the disheartening experiences over the last few months all propelled me towards what I am meant to be doing.

Not that it's easy to see that when you're going through it :D

And with all that, Christmas is less than 20 days away! I've done the majority of my christmas presents and just have SB's parents left to shop for. Christmas cards are almost there too. Just as well because I may have just got myself into helping out at SB's work for the next month or so... don't know. Money in the bank if it happens, time on my hands if it doesn't. Have bought some wool to knit a gorgeous scarf for next winter if I do end up having my entire holidays free.

Will keep you posted, Scribblettes. Anything you are counting the final countdown to?

Wouldn't it be nice...

2010-12-01T23:50:00.002+13:00

... if my current school would actually give me the time off to visit the school where I will be working next year?

... if my students actually finished their assessment work by the end of this week so the mark could go on their report?

... if I lost another 2.3 kgs this week (unlikely, I have my staff Christmas function this weekend and the food sounds amazing... and points laden)?

... if I actually had the energy to exercise? Today's exercise involved carrying parcels to the post office and big gift boxes around the mall.

... if the weather could be cool enough that going to bed before midnight was an option.

I'd rather eat like a horse than drink like a fish...

2010-11-28T10:41:00.003+13:00

Tis the season to be busy!

In just over an hour I'm going to be heading out to my fourth event of the weekend - seems crazy but that's the run up to Christmas! I had a BBQ with my work girls on Friday night, dinner with my cousin and her partner last night followed by drinks and dancing with my "usual suspects" and today we are heading to the joint birthday party of SB's dad and cousin. Over the next few weeks we also have my school's Christmas function, my department's End-Of-Year function, a catch-up BBQ with my mates from my business degree (class of 2006, woop) and SB's work function. There's also talk of attending a foam party at our local bar and I'm sure a few more catch ups with various groups of friends before Christmas!

What does this mean for my new conscious consuming? It means taking into account the opportunity cost of what I eat and drink. Last night I could have had the option to eat a salad for dinner and then drink the sum total of my remaining points... or I could take advantage of the fact that we were at a restaurant that makes delicious food and decide to stay sober. Can you guess which one I chose?

Consuming two sugarfree energy drinks before heading out dancing gave me the boot up the bum I needed and I'm able to enjoy a day today in which I don't feel seedy at all... kind of important when hanging out with SB's extended family LOL. I love my food too much to trade it in for a few midori and lemonades and right now I can't do both. It's really strange to have this new consciousness about what I'm putting into my body... but it's kind of awesome :)

Would you rather eat like a horse or drink like a fish?

Too much on my plate...

2010-11-24T16:26:00.002+13:00

Figuratively, not literally.

Not literally because I'm making a change. Emotional binge eating has been part of my history since my teens and my body shows the results of this. It's not as obvious as the scars of a cutter but just as sad. In recent months I've come to some realisations about the triggers for this behaviour and I'm finally in a place where I feel strong enough to change it. To help that and to lose the excess of weight I have put on I started WeightWatchers on Monday.

So far, so good. It's making me a much more conscious eater - paying more attention to serving sizes and nutritional information (ProPoints are based on protein, total fats, carbohydrates and dietary fibre) as well as recording everything that I eat. I can actually see myself being successful on this plan and that's half the battle! Another girl at work is on the same plan and I think it is inspiring others... we're sort of a secret society with all our points lingo and our little black points calculators :D

All this made very challenging by a time of super-stress about employment... I'm very proud of myself for making it through two days and managing to not snarf down a takeout meal or a massive amount of calories. Now if I could get this sleep thing under control I would be golden!

Insides, outsides...

2010-11-14T17:23:00.002+13:00

It struck me today, as I was straightening up the bedroom, how much what is going on in my life affects my surroundings. The last week felt very messy - I had my senior students leaving to go on exams, I'm still in the middle of job confusion and worry, my timetable was all warped and I'm feeling quite bloated without a clear reason (TMI?) and by the end of the week the house definitely reflected this sort of flustered muddle that I felt inside.

We were having friends over for dinner on Friday night so I decided I was going to employ the close-the-door method - you all know it, when you take all the mess from the area they are going to see, put it in a bedroom and close the door. The guests were none the wiser, I got to have lovely girl talk with Blondie and the mess, while distributed, still remained.

Today I'm feeling much more serene about things. I've had time to work through the weird timetable of last week and create a plan for the last four weeks of term. I've emailed the school with a less-than-ideal offer to discuss and the possibility of another position has come up from somewhere unexpected. Today is also the first day that I've felt like tackling the mess.

My question is... if I keep everything tidy, will this stop me from feeling so jumbled when life throws me a curveball? Your thoughts, Scribblettes...

I am a snail...

2010-11-10T20:40:00.003+13:00

...or maybe an armadillo. In times of stress I totally turn into a ball of sighing self-absorption. I'm struggling to even come up with the words to write this post. Forgive me as I stumble through this in the hopes of enlightening you about my situation.

I'm very nervous at the moment about my job situation for next year and in a space of limbo that isn't going to be resolved any sooner than the 18th. I missed out on one position (which in the end turned out to be not what was advertised... probably wouldn't have applied had I known) and have been offered a long-term relief position at this stage which doesn't run for the entire year. There is a possibility that this could turn into a longer position. Coupled with the fact that my current school is now making teacher redundant... yikes! I can almost hear the wolves baying as they walk down the path to the door. It's a lot of pressure to put on SB to support me for six weeks at the start of next year before I start earning again. It's not like we're married... I feel like it's not fair to ask him to support me.

I'm on a BC pill for PCOS and it isn't Pharmac funded - the government agency that provides subsidies on certain medications including other varieties of BCP. This type comes with good recommendations from the international PCOS communities. It started out at $72 for 9 weeks which was steep but affordable. For the last year it has been steadily climbing and the last time I went to the chemist 9 weeks of pills cost me $97! Ridiculous... so now I'm stressing about what my alternatives are - $500 plus a year is just excessive.

I know it's important to focus on my blessings - that I have a job until the end of the year, that my health is generally good, that I have a man who loves me... but right now my brain isn't all that keen on listening. Postive employment thoughts would be awesome though!

Moving on up... err sideways?

2010-10-24T09:18:00.002+13:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you may recall that I have been job searching. My current job was just a contract to cover maternity leave. As much as my current boss would love to keep me there, at this stage no one is leaving so there are no open positions. The reality is such that I can't afford to wait to see if one becomes available because there is every chance I might find myself unemployed at the start of next year.

I've been applying at multiple schools across the area and in the middle of last week was delighted that I'd been asked to interview for a job I thought I had little chance of getting - the position calls for an English and Social Studies teacher and I had never taught Social Studies before. The school does however have a Christian background and I think my willingness to work with "the special character of the school" was definitely an advantage.

Imagine my surprise on Friday when I was asked to interview at another school - I had applied to this one last year and just missed out on gaining the position so I'm feeling hopeful that this time it will be mine! Can't count chicks before they've hatched and all but I've gone from having no prospects for next year to having two solid ones.

Both schools are vastly smaller than the one I teach at now (over 2000 students to less than 1000 each) so it will be a big change regardless of where I end up. Really excited for this coming week and hopefully have some good news to report by Friday!!

Anything exciting happening with you, Scribblettes?

Love is a battlefield

2010-10-21T19:51:00.003+13:00

I was studying this poem with my students today and it ended up in big conversations about how different in thoughts and feelings boys and girls can be. I thought that you all might like to read it and reminisce on your own experience :)

Advice To A Teenage Daughter - Isobel Thrilling

You have found a new war-game
called Love
Here on your dressing-table
Stand arrayed
brave ranks of lipsticks
brandishing
swords of cherry pink and flame.
Behold the miniature armies
of little jars,
packed with the scented
dynamite of flowers.
See the dreaded tweezers;
tiny pots
of manufactured moonlight,
stick-on-stars.
Beware my sweet;
Conqust may seem easy
but you cant compete with football,
motor-cycles, cars,
cricket, computer-games,
or a plate of chips.

I will choose to love you...

2010-10-15T17:43:00.004+13:00

Today at work we were talking about the difference between teen and adult relationships - our teens think that once the spark is gone, it's all over. They don't realise the difference between lust and love and they certainly don't understand the importance of your partner being your best friend.

With all this in mind, I was driving home and the Stan Walker song "Choose you" came on over the radio. It's certainly not the first time I've heard it (and if you are an Aussie or a Kiwi, I'm sure you've heard it multiple times too) but it was the first time the lyrics struck me... you find profound wisdom in the oddest moments.

Cuz when love starts out

It's all peachy

I love you, you love me seems easy

It's like a walk in the park
But sometimes it takes an act of my will
And a walk in a park turns to uphill
But I promise to give you my heart

Sometimes being in a relationship really is stars-in-your-eyes, roses and puppies carrying mint-chocolate. I know SB and I definitely have those moments. But we also sometimes have those moments that are crappy. We aren't huge fighters but it would be lying to pretend that we don't have moments in which... well... we're kind of jerks to each other. Like babies, when we're tired, hungry or cold, we get cranky.

I will choose to love you, yeahh

Even though I wanna stay mad

Even though I wanna get angry

Though it may be easier to walk away
I will choose to stay
I choose you, I choose you, yeahh
I choose youu
I choose you everyday
I choose you

This was the line that almost made me cry. This is what good relationships are. Waking up in the morning, rolling over and looking at your partner and going "I choose you. I choose to love you today". And choosing that same person to love every day, no matter what happens.

SB, I choose to love you today, tomorrow, always.

Thoughts?

Love - actually?

2010-10-05T11:54:00.001+13:00

Had an interesting exchange with Melissa-Leigh of "never was a cornflake girl" on Twitter last night (NZ time). Some photos had been posted on Facebook of my participation in the Dove Pink Star Walk for Breast Cancer. I had been wearing a new jumper that I thought looked gorgeous only to see every single bump and lump show up in photos. The speed in which I detagged myself from photos stunned even SB - he knows how hard I'm working to get in shape and realised how much this upset me. I'm not one of those pleasantly plump girls who get a little round pot belly; I realise that those who are don't like it either. My excess stomach fat sits in rolls and you could see every single one in the photos.

As you can see, this made (and still makes) me upset. It makes me want to change the way I look. It makes me want to get on the treadmill and walk until I collapse. I love to power-walk - that and dance are the types of exercises I really enjoy. ML's tweet really made me think.

I'm not mad at my body - as such. There are parts I really love. I love having a big bosom and long legs. I love being an hourglass even though it makes pants impossible to find. The manicurist last week told me that I had beautiful hands. I can see these things in myself and appreciate them.

What I am mad at is how far I am from what I would class as my best "me". I can't even identify where exactly I fell off the rails. I was never what would be classed as "skinny" (well, at least any time after puberty) but I was fit, healthy and relatively streamlined up into my last year of school. In the years after that I battled illness (eventually diagnosed as PCOS and later as lactose intolerance) and depression - both of which could be partially blamed for my weight gain but other people have been through these experiences and either not blimped out or lost the weight.

If I'm being perfectly honest, at some point I think I just gave up on myself. I had too many other issues to deal with so I chose to ignore my weight. Was unsure my degree was what I wanted to do, ended up with a bigger commute in my first job than expected, felt underappreciated at my second job, relationship issues, loneliness, mum got cancer, uni was hard.... excuses and more excuses. Blaming the PCOS for being overweight. With a feeling of internal unworthiness I let my exterior reflect that.

Things changed last year when I met SB and when I completed my teacher training. Suddenly life felt right, I felt right. I guess that in the end, I ran out of excuses. I have a boyfriend who loves my curves but also wants me to be around forever and is concerned that if I don't get fit, I won't be. He doesn't care if I never get skinnier than what I am but he wants to be able to go hiking and bush-walking and it's hard for us to do that at the moment when I can only stick to easy, relatively flat tracks. I'm left feeling angry that I let myself get this fat and unfit - it doesn't show a lot of love and respect for my body.

Time to make changes people.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

Wild Out - Cheee Hoo

2010-09-29T18:32:00.004+13:00

If you follow me on Twitter you've probably been bored/delighted/adjective of your choice with my excessive tweeting about my new treadmill. After saving up my money and with SB holding my hand I won an auction and bought my new treadmill. And it's purple!

Too cool! One of my favourite added extras is the speakers that you can hook up to any audio device. My MacBook Pro perches next to the machine and pumps out the following playlist to get me totally amped:

Lady Marmalade - Christina, Pink & Co: Great wind-up song

Take the Lead - Bone Thugs & Harmony

Dirty - Christina Aguilera

Romeo - Basement Jaxx

One Week - Barenaked Ladies

Let's Get Retarded - Black Eyed Peas

My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson

Wild Out (Chee Hoo) - Savage feat. Baby Bash

Hot & Cold - Katy Perry

Get Shakey - The Ian Carey Project

I Want You - Savage Garden

For The People - Nesian Mystik - Great to cool down to

Goes for just under 45 mins - which is PLENTY for me at the moment, bronchitis recoverer that I am. See some songs on there you don't know, check out the link. If you have songs you love to work out to, let me know in the comments!

New house love...

2010-09-21T13:01:00.002+12:00

SB and I moved into our new house a week ago. While there were multiple hitches with the move (including being without phone for four days and internet for over a week), it's been amazing how quickly this little place has felt like home. There's definitely been some interesting moments - SB discovered how quick the little nut-like pods from a tree whoosh out the side of the mower. I came down with asthma and bronchitis so became very familiar with the view from our lounge. We've both discovered the limits of our wee kitchen but have managed to squeeze everything in.

I've been trying to figure out why this place feels more like home, so soon after we've moved in. I've come up with three reasons.

1. This is our second house together. Post first move we were still trying to figure out the jigsaw of living together FOR REALS. This time our routines are all sorted, we know what goes where and I'm more ready to relinquish the reins of getting everything sorted.

2. There's a school over our back fence and we're not next to a Housing New Zealand project. It's been nice on my sick days to look out over nice green sportsfields and see kids go mental on the playground. Having neighbours who own their properties mean that they are much more likely to be friendly to us. I was amazed to arrive home one day last week and have the next-door neighbours daughter yell "Hi" from the balcony.

3. We know our landlord, she trusts us and we pretty much have free reign over what we want to do with the place (within reason of course). It made the move in process so much easier!

Whatever the reason, we're really pleased with our little home. We're having a small dinner party this weekend and then a bigger bash in November (hopefully better weather) to warm our wee house but it's feeling pretty snug and cosy already!

I like the way you mo-ove!

2010-09-06T20:53:00.002+12:00

Things are all in a flurry at the Scribbles Homestead. The time has simply flown since we made our decision to move and we're currently in the last phases of packing before the big shift happens on Friday. I'm lucky that work has been incredibly lenient and giving me a short day on Thursday and Friday off completely - being a teacher usually means that annual leave is taken when students are on holiday.

It's awkward to live in a half-packed state - we have to leave some of the packing until the last minute because we are still using the items. I have big respect for bloggers like Andrea and Jen who have managed international moves... we're busy just trying to move down the street. It has been good to revisit our new place and plan where everything will go. We realised that the wardrobes actually have some amazing shelving units on and can really see how suitable the place will be for us in summer - we love to entertain!

This past weekend hasn't been without drama. My sister lives at the Burnham Military Camp outside of Christchurch and had just got home from Friday night clubbing when the earthquake hit. She is fine and their house has maintained structural integrity but they were without power until Sunday night. Combine that with some well-meaning but annoying interference from the FMIL... can't wait until Sunday morning when we're relaxing in our new place!

What a week!

2010-08-28T10:43:00.002+12:00

My goodness... it was one of those weeks that I didn't mind seeing the end of!

It's about to head into official Spring here in NZ and the students at schools seem to be suffering from a combination of cabin fever and spring fever combined. You can barely turn a corner at school without stumbling across two students making out (which, although I can remember being like that, still makes me want to vom a little in my mouth) and it's a rare day when fights aren't breaking out amongst students.

Now yes, I do teach in South Auckland... and the reality is that some of my students' home lives aren't all that different to that seen in movies like "Boy" and even "Once Were Warriors". Some of them haven't learnt the appropriate ways of dealing with anger... some don't understand to let go. Still, Wednesday was a nightmare.

Lining my students up outside my class, I was handing their mark sheets to them individually before letting them enter the class. All of a sudden, across the hall, I see one of my form class students in his class literally strangling one of his classmates. Ushering all my students into class I run into the class and grab hold of his arm trying to stop him. In order to understand how ridiculous this looked, this student makes me look like a dwarf. At 5'9" and 100kgs this is damn hard to do but this Year 11 student is at least 6'5" and twice as wide as me. He finally heard the voice of reason (me yelling his name in his ear) and stormed off down the hall. Crisis averted? One of the male staff not teaching that period came and rounded him up into our office until the deputy principal could arrive.

I head into my class and try and calm a rampant Year 9 (13-14 year olds, first year at high school). I think I've just got everyone settled and I'm up at the board when one of the girls literally picks up a desk (to about chest height when standing) and throws it at the boy in front of her, hitting him in the head. Cue round two of students running away, teachers coming into class rooms and damage control.

I sat in the staff room that lunch time with some kind of teaching shell shock. I love my job but on days like that... I think it's just a natural human reaction to curl up in a ball and give the world the finger. May as well do it while I'm young and stupid and have the energy :)

That said, a morning full of doing chores this morning has felt like a vacation :D

Answers

2010-08-22T14:25:00.002+12:00

Ever find yourself in a situation and you simply don't understand how you got there? Isn't it just so much more satisfying when you discover why that is?

For those of you who have been reading the blog recently, you'll know that I have been feeling under the weather for WEEKS now. In the last couple of weeks it has been even worse with me feeling absolutely cabbage (tired, vegetative) when I get home from school. I cook dinner and that's me done for the night.

I finally got back my blood tests from the doctors, expecting it to perhaps reflect a deficiency of Vit B12 as it has in the past. To my surprise, I found I was very low on Vitamin D - the sunshine vitamin! A common ailment in this age of sunscreen and SPF. To put it in perspective, the range of normal is 50-150 with a recommended level of around 80. My grand score?

33.

Hearing this, SB and I went on the search for information on foods that would boost my Vit D levels. Were they foods I liked?

Fail - we found four things that contained good levels of Vitamin D. Eggs (don't eat), mushroom (don't eat), offal (ewwwwww) and fatty fishes. Guess it's a lot of tuna and salmon for me! In all seriousness though, we knew we needed to come up with a better solution than just taking the colcalciferol that the doctor had given me.

Reading through information that my cousin (a nurse) had sent me, my deficiency would also account for not only fatigue but also my struggle to lose weight (low Vitamin D causes insulin resistance) and my propensity to get colds, especially in winter. Reading further, I have decided to take a Vitamin D3 1000 iU(the type recommended most highly) supplement daily to see if this helps me improve my health.

Moral of the story: If there is something wrong with you... tell somebody. I feel so much better knowing there is a solution and that I don't have to feel like this. We can't always rely on our diet and lifestyle to provide us with everything we need and getting the right information is important! Be well Scribblettes

Moving on up...

2010-08-15T19:18:00.003+12:00

Or in our case, down the street.

We're just in the final stages of working out a rental agreement with a friend's mother to move into her property on the same street that we are now. It's kind of similar to the one that we're in now but we're swapping out a couple of the perks here for different perks there:

Losing an ensuite bathroom - gaining a garage
Smaller kitchen - gaining a driveway that we can actually turn our cars in
Losing 24 hour emergency contact (that didn't work the one time we needed it) - gaining less flat inspection
Losing a larger deck - gaining a sheltered deck
Losing $10 of rent per week - yay!

Of course the downside of all this is that we will be moving in the middle of term and I'm now working full time (if you remember, I was working day relief when we moved last time). But we'll make it work. Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly and we can sign papers this week!

Be careful what you wish for...

2010-08-12T19:56:00.002+12:00

My life is soooo dull... yeah right.

So life stepped up about a million notches since the last time I wrote. After feeling like I wanted things to happen, they did. And they weren't quiet about it!

In the last week or so:

SB and I have started seriously considering into the rental property of a friend's mother. While literally only just down the road, the thought of moving brings round a zillion other thoughts. We're hoping to view this weekend to make our final decision.
ERO is coming to visit the school I work out. It's basically like a massive audit all NZ schools have to go to about once every three years and it is a freakin' nightmare. In theory, it would be fine and we would just be business as normal. For those of you who have ever worked in a school, you'll know how much admin falls by the wayside so you can actually, you know, teach. This week has seen everyone from senior management down fluff up the pillows (so to speak) and so the instructions and updates have been rolling in thick and fast
In answer to an email from one HOD (I report to two separate heads of department), I said that I would work on a lesson plan to teach a unit. I meant just for me, turns out she took it to mean for all three teachers that are taking the unit. Guess what I just spent the last two hours doing?
Teaching the "now" generation - they finished their creative writing assessment on Tuesday. Today in class: "Miss, have you marked my creative writing yet?" No sorry, I'm too busy trying to have a life with a side of nervous breakdown.
A job has just been advertised in the school I work in and I want to apply - it's permanent, I'm currently on contract. So I'm cracking on to getting an application sorted.
Trying to sort accommodation for New Years somewhere vaguely near a beach. Word to the wise... don't do it.
Had plans to get a relaxing pedi this afternoon only to realise as I was leaving work that I had pants on that I couldn't push up my leg. Going pantless in a mall nail salon, not an option. Gah, postponed!

Hope that you are having a more peaceful time than I am! If you are in a tizzy like me, Scribblettes, let a sister know!

Now is the winter of our discontent...

2010-07-28T16:47:00.002+12:00

Made glorious by... not much. I guess that the only thing that makes it glorious is that I still have a fantastic boy who will love me even though I was "groaning like a man" in my sleep.

You may have noticed blog post tapering off on the site... the only excuse I have is that we have been going through a particularly difficult time in the Scribbles household. While our love is strong, the past few weeks have gone to show that our bodies are not. We were both extremely ill upon our return from our holiday and while I came right fairly quickly, SB did not. He has had a chest infection that has dragged on for weeks. I enjoyed a week of good health before falling and injuring my foot in we would later find out was a sprain of all the muscles running down my foot to my ankle.

A week's worth of wearing really fugly sneakers and the foot was finally on the mend (despite spending a substantial amount of time on my feet at school teaching) and what's this? Mr Sniffles. Nobody likes a Mr Sniffles. Off work and off to the doctors today... thoroughly sick and tired of being sick and tired. I ended up with the older doctor of the practice (I swear he must be about eighty) and bullied him into giving me some blood tests so I can identify anything that is keeping me so low in health and spirits.

Expect more from the Scribbles household when we have better news to report.

I am a fool or a flamingo...

2010-07-15T18:34:00.002+12:00

I'm not sure what makes me do it... perhaps I am part flamingo. When I am sitting on the couch or in office chairs I tuck one of my feet up underneath me... a half-lotus position if you will. Usually this leads to nothing more than a numb foot or a case of pins and needles. Usually.

Yesterday, after checking my emails in the morning, I needed to get the computer packed away. My favourite place to work during the holidays is on the couch - I have a sway-back so this is the post supportive position for me. Flicked my foot out... oooh that's a bit numb... walk it off. Take a step... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Somehow with the numbness of my foot I hadn't realised that my toes were actually under the rest of the foot. Like trying to walk en pointe without the ballet shoes or the awareness that it was what I was actually doing. Fell over sideways with my right arm in the year holding my laptop aloft (can't hurt the electronic baby). Got up and walked it off... put my socks and boots on and headed out to do what I needed to that day. Bit sore, but OK.

Last night, got home and took my boot off. Rookie mistake. Big fat swollen foot right now with a healthy side serving of pain. Bandaged it up and got on with my day... no rest for the wicked.

I wish I could say that this sort of injury was rare... unfortunately, not so much. And as I sat down to write this blog post I realised that I had automatically popped my uninjured foot underneath me. Think this plants me firmly in the 'fool' camp.

I love the holidays... so much more time!

2010-07-13T19:28:00.003+12:00

Having bought some bacon with the best of intentions, it had languished in the fridge until today - close to the "use by" date. I met up with mum for lunch and managed to get a recipe for cheese and bacon muffins that I'd loved eating at home (ideal with pumpkin soup). Eating them with SB, they still had the delicious texture and taste I had enjoyed.

So I thought I would share this yummy recipe with you all! Credit must go to Mama Scribbles and to the book she originally used: "Mostly muffins" by Barbara Albright and Leslie Warner (copyright 1984)

Some substitutions were made to make it low in lactose... and because I felt like it :)

Recipe:

1 3/4 cups flour
2tsp baking powder
1/3 cup yellow cornmeal
2tbsp sugar
1/8 tsp salt - I used a manuka smoked garlic salt for some extra zest
dash ground red pepper (or paprika) - I didn't have either so I used a dash of curry powder
8 slices (approx2-4 rashers) bacon cooked,drained, cooled, chopped - I used chicken bacon
1/2 cup shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese (or parmesan) - used parmesan as it is extremely low in lactose
1 cup milk - lactose-free milk works just fine
1 egg beaten
3 tbsp butter or margarine melted and cooled - I used rice bran oil
1/2 tsp dijon mustard or 1/4 tsp mustard powder

Preheat oven 200 degrees C & grease ten 3x 1 3/4 inch muffin cups (this makes 9- 12 muffins depending on how much bacon you put in)
In large bowl, combine flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, salt and pepper/paprika (curry powder).
Stir in bacon and cheese.
In another bowl combine milk, egg, butter (oil) and mustard til blended.
Make a well in dry ingredients, add milk mixture and stir just to combine.
Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups - bake 20 mins or until skewer comes out clean
Remove from oven and cool 5 mins before removing from tins.

We had one each with dinner and the rest have been packed up for SB to take to work - something nice for his colleagues who covered him on our holiday. Yummy!

A bientot!

2010-07-04T20:58:00.002+12:00

Just a brief note to say I will be disconnected for the next week while SB and I enjoy our winter getaway! I'll be having dinner with the lovely Andrea, Bridey and Charlie, enjoying gorgeous mountain scenery, hot pools and long walks with the boy. And penguins!

Don't miss me too much, mmmkay?

I think I've missed the point...

2010-06-30T15:24:00.003+12:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you will have gathered that I was ordered by the doctor on Monday night to spend two days off school resting my poor congested lungs in order to get well. It was not a "You should rest but...", it was a "You need to rest because right now you sound like you have started smoking again".

So doctors orders in hand, I scheduled a reliever to cover my classes, I spent Monday night organising work for my classes and hit the hay early. Only to wake up on Tuesday morning to phonecalls saying that they hadn't received the emails for my class. Sent again, no dice. Had to drive the work in to school, couldn't see the resource person anyway, spent about a half hour trying to get things sorted for my classes. Drove home and collapsed, no energy to go feed the parents' cats. Settled in on the couch warm and watching telly - hello power outage. Waited for SB to get home (the power company being as useful as tits on a bull) and with no sign of the power coming back on, packed a bag to stay at the parents... you know, where there are helpful things like working heaters. Ready to leave, power comes back on. Drive-by feeding of the cats then home and bed.

Restful? Not exactly.

Today I woke up, took my antibiotic and went back to sleep. Got up and felt quite a bit better than the day before (not to be confused with actually being well). Had breakfast, got dinner out to defrost and put the first load of washing on. Went out and picked up cat food and bribes for one of my classes at school, went to my parents and fed the cats, home again and a huge amount of laundry (pre-holiday catch-up), blogging and then cooking dinner.

Restful? Fail.

More restful than teaching, sure, but probably not what the doctor ordered.

I seem physically incapable of doing nothing. Anyone else have this issue?

Fake it...?

2010-06-22T20:57:00.002+12:00

I was reading an article on Gala Darling's website about her new filofax. I've always been a fan of planning so the filofax article itself was not that amazing or insightful. Gala did show how she used the filofax and this was what spurred my thought for today.

She had a page in her organiser that was a list of daily "gratitudes" or affirmations that things would go well for her - an example she gave was that her dogs would get on with each other. I'm not really on board with the whole "The Secret" band wagon - I don't believe that you get everything you want just because you want it and that seems to be the essence of this law of attraction thing... I may be wrong, but that's the gist of what I understand from various articles I have read on the subject.

It did get me wondering about how I look at situations. I've reached end-of-term burnout. When I'm not teaching my classes I just want to sit on the staff room couch and stare into space. I don't like my classes at the moment, the kids annoy me, half of them are so lazy I don't even feel like trying. I feel empty and sad when it comes to the employment section of my life and the worst part is that I know that it's not all true.

I'm exhausted... as in "if I make it to the end of the week without falling sick, I'll be amazed". I know that I'm only seeing the bad because I feel so tired and the same students keep disappointing me. I'm failing to see the good in students who improve their behaviour, I'm failing to acknowledge those students who are awesome all the time.

So after a good night's sleep I plan on writing some positive affirmations to stick by my desk. And to relax myself before going to bed tonight, I'm going to reflect on the serenity prayer (which I know to some of you makes about as much sense as "The Secret").

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Word of the month: Pamper

2010-06-13T09:30:00.002+12:00

Slightly late this month but I was having difficulty coming up with a word - feeling so run down at the moment that anything that required huge amounts of effort (on my part) to create personal change seemed impossible. This term is a week longer than other teaching terms and while that may not sound like a lot more work, trust me that it is.

I'm not as fit as I want to be and I'm suffering from the first-year-teacher issues of catching every single bug that the great unwashed (sorry, students) have going round. Add to that the stress of teaching in a school where kids are not brought up to value respect and discipline and you have one very flat Scribble. A wonky scribbled line if you will.

So the word of the month is pamper. I'm not pushing myself to do anything that I'm not obliged to. I will take the time to do things this month that I may not in other months. By the end of the month I will:

Go to sleep each night when I want to, not when I've finished the billion and one chores. SB has been doing a great job of picking up some of the slack when I have been sick and he will be on board with this also
Leave school by 5pm every day - marking, reports, emails be damned
Find a good multi-vitamin or a Vitamin D supplement to support the B Vitamins I currently take
Have a haircut - currently deciding on whether to colour or not
Get a manicure and pedicure in a salon
Get a massage - can get these cheap through one of the teachers at school
This will be the difficult one - Attempt to take on no more than five commitments (in the next three weeks) that I have not committed to already.
Take the time to see the doctor if I get any more ill, even if it means taking time out from work.

I think that sometimes it is hard to take ownership of the fact that we require our own sanity. Our world we live in requires that we do more, be more, work harder, party harder, be social, be amazing... sometimes we just need to stop and enjoy what we have, even if it is a cup of home-brewed coffee on the couch with our men. And instead of going and sitting in a cold gymnasium, that's what I am about to do.

Long weekend...long shopping list.

2010-06-07T10:00:00.003+12:00

It's a long weekend here in wee old NZ and it's sure living up to the name "Land of the long white cloud". On the upside we've managed to get up to date on a lot of the shopping we needed to do but the malls are packed and anything that required using a fitting room got postponed until there is a bit more room to breathe in the mall.

Bought:

New boots (Number 1 Shoe Warehouse) - not sure whether this store is NZ exclusive. Great place for cheap shoes - doesn't hurt so much when they need resoling after one season. Take note, Hannahs, your fall-apart shoes should be half the price.
New sheets - this winter has felt sooooo cold and the only flannelette sheeting we had was a hot pink sheet set from my early uni days. A little emasculating for SB. Two new sets of suitably gender neutral sheet sets on sale for 60% off.
New hairbrush - was cleaning out my hairbrush the other day and realised I couldn't remember when I purchased it. I'm sure that there is a life cycle for these sorts of things... does anyone know? Anyway, bought a new "ionic grooming" brush - have no idea how these things work but my hair looked smoother :)
Two cans of dry shampoo - my hair goes on the fritz if it's washed more than two times a week but sometimes you want to look polished and fresh. Batiste to the rescue :)
Bike lock - needed a keyless solution to locking the gate on our driveway. Ghetto-fabulous combination bike chain to the rescue :)
SB purchased some headphones for use with his iPhone - we ended up choosing some from the Skullcandy line I first heard about on NubbyTwiglet.com
I bought a new keyring - my old one bit the dust and spat my keys everywhere. New one is gorgeous, with just a little bit of bling and a hidden compact mirror.

The one thing that has been an epic fail so far is trying to find decent winter dresses. I'd hoped to get a couple for our Christchurch sojourn but it seems that in NZ you need to dress more masculine if you are heading to cold climates. I had such high hopes for this dress but it made me look completely chestless - and let's face it, it's one of my finer features.

May the search continue... have any of my Scribblettes got the down-low on where to find winter dresses? My only requirements are long sleeves, black or jewel colours and flattering to a larger bust. Let me know!

High School Mixtape

2010-06-05T09:53:00.003+12:00

A lot of my friends have been joining a group on Facebook that you like "when a song reminds you of a person, a place, a memory"... coincidentally, I had just such a moment on the way to watch SATC2 with a friend at the movies last night. One of Ice Cube's songs came on the radio and I was instantly back in 2002, my seventh form (Year 13/last year of school) year, partying underage and grinding up against strangers on the dance floor... such a tease. I thought it would be fun to make a blog mix tape of songs that were important to me in high school - let you guys get to know more about the me of the past.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris:3rd and 4th form, I was very much a "Top of the Pops" sort of girl. I didn't do a lot of searching for music, just listened to a couple of music shows on TV and followed the general trend.

Eminem - Stan: Started dating FirstLove. His music tastes a little darker, more rock than pop. Around the same time, my first exposure to Linkin Park.

Linkin Park - In the End: FirstLove says he wants this played at his funeral and he plans on dying young and leaving a good-looking corpse. He didn't, but this should have been ringing alarm bells for me that we didn't want the same things out of life LOL.

Public Domain - Bass In The Place: Introduction into the world of house music and techno.

Darude - Sandstorm: Reminds me of movement (dance) routines in drama class, some of my most enjoyable classes in high school.

Train - Drops of Jupiter: First heartbreak. Thought the world would end. It didn't.

Ice Cube - You Can Do It/Eve - Ladies: Drinking underage, partying hearty being single for the first time in my adult life. Learning how to bump and grind. Little bit of a surprise that the radio was playing Ice Cube as a old school throwback song... guess I'm really getting old!

Funny how songs can take you back so quickly to those awkward teenage years. Some songs full of joy, others full of sadness. Would love to hear your stories - what songs take you back?

Standing up for yourself

2010-06-01T20:37:00.003+12:00

Do you ever have those moments when you are paralysed in the moment that you should stand up for yourself? As much as I consider myself a confident modern woman, I don't show it. I don't have a problem with talking to friends but when it comes to colleagues or superiors... I just don't. I sit on my issues and mull over it, I try and make an excuse so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm happy to confront my students but full blown adults? Not so much.

Yesterday, I had an incident happen at school and did not have the support that I had expected nor the help that I required at that point in time from people in superior positions to my own. I sat in my class after school filing the necessary paperwork with tears welling in my eyes. I moved some stuff into the staff workroom and returned to my class to get some more. I must have looked like I wanted to die because one of my colleagues followed me back to the class room, where she hugged me and I proceeded to cry it out on her shoulder.

This wasn't the end of it... I was dwelling on it as I was at my parents using their printer. I was dwelling on it over my dinner that SB made me and the glass of wine I had to drown my sorrows. It was still on my mind as I went to bed. I didn't feel like talking over the incident with my head of department - I was still too angry. How could I get out of our weekly meeting? I wasn't in the mood.

I woke up this morning and it struck me - just be honest. I caught my HOD before school and told her that I'd had a really bad class the day before, that I'd been pissed off all yesterday evening and I still didn't really feel like I have the perspective to talk about it today. Reaction: understanding, happy to postpone, "we've all been there" look on her face. Right, next step, email the people I feel have let me down. Yes, they are quite senior to me in position... but what is the worst that can happen? I'm on a fixed-term contract, I can move on. I need to focus on what the best-case scenario is - working conditions I can tolerate and support I need.

Scribblettes, do you find yourself stuck when trying to stand up for yourself? How do you push through it?

Light at the end of the tunnel...

2010-05-26T19:38:00.002+12:00

I'm still awfully tired right now - I attempted to start this blog post yesterday but had to fight off a huge case of the CBFs* and I didn't win. I'm still not feeling any more alert and I'm hoping that I can have one massive sleep in this weekend. Yawning my head off at the moment so here's a quick update of what is going on in Scribbles' World.

Fridge is gone and we have the fridge that we used to have when we lived on SB's parents property - probably about 25 years old but it goes and we got it free.
The insurance claim has been approved for our car that was in the accident so it will go into the panelbeater next week! No more leaky boot!
The other car rectified the problem it was having before the mechanics looked at it - no charge. Yay!
Feel like I'm on a bit of a win with my students - finally feel that I have got my head around things and that we are moving forward.
Even if we weren't, this incredibly long term is now officially halfway over.
Because we are such awesome tenants, we now have a new mail box. Unfortunately it's the same crappy design as the old one but at least I'm not getting flakes of rust on my hand anymore.

So it has been a week so far of small wins - hope that it continues! Back soon with a post that contains a lot more conscious thought :D

*Can't be f*#ked - it's an illness, I swear LOL

It can only go up from here..

2010-05-23T20:51:00.003+12:00

Sometimes the only good thing you can say about a week is that it is over...

In the past week:

Our Playstation 3 died (and Sony wants $300 to fix it)
Our fridge died (so we have the fridge from the spare house on SB's parents' property)
SB was rear-ended by some douche with bald tires and no warrant of fitness (and the police don't care, so now we're waiting on insurance)
My car has now decided that it feels like having a seizure as I'm driving along (so needs to be booked into the mechanics)
Organised a games night and had a ton of people flake at the last minute, leaving us with an excess of food

Ok, so maybe not the world's worst week, but still a pretty crappy one. I'd like to say that we still had our health but SB has been sniffly all day and I'm still super-run down from being sick and not taking enough time off. After reading some articles today on how to keep relationships solid I decided to perk us both up by planning a surprise date. We had Moroccan for dinner and watched Boy at the movies. Made us both crack up - being kiwi kids in the eighties was a somewhat universal experience and we both know families like this one. Definitely a good pick!

Flat batteries...

2010-05-19T21:11:00.002+12:00

Sitting on the couch with my wet hair wrapped in a towel turban, I'm wondering when I lost it. I used to be able to get up at six in the morning, drive a quarter of the way down the country, play in the snow for hours then head back and go out with friends until four in the morning. Now I make it til the end of the day at work, come home and cook dinner and maybe do a load of washing. When did I start feeling so old?

I think part of it is my profession. Being a teacher makes it so hard not to care. The kids can be absolute mongrels and you still hope that you can do something to make them into decent people. You never stop managing their behaviour and hoping that one day they will shock you and manage it all by themselves. You take the small wins as your reward.

Part of me really hopes that I'm struggling because I'm not over my cold... cause at least that means I'm going to feel better next week. Right now I'd settle for not feeling so achey and worn at the end of the day. Hoping this weekend gives me the rest I need to make myself feel normal again.

20 for 2010 update!

2010-05-17T14:50:00.000+12:00

Way back at the end of 2009, I came up with some goals for 2010. Over a quarter of the way through the year, how well have I done?

Goals

Get a teaching job - hopefully this will happen before 2010, but if not, it is my hope that I will be able to pick up a permanent role during the year. Achieved - the role is only until the end of the year but it counts towards my registration.
Take a yoga class - my work place (that I am leaving just before Christmas *scared face*) offers one for a decent price so I really don't have an excuse. Current fail - my new workplace offers a free yoga class and I have yet to make it to that one either. Must make a decision!
Get fit - we are getting a Nintendo Wii soon and once we have a place that we know we are staying in next year we will be getting a treadmill - no excuse of crappy NZ weather. We aren't getting a treadmill anymore but SB has promised to buy me Zumba! I've been doing it at the school I work at.
Go on an overseas holiday - at the moment, it looks like New Caledonia for the win. SB is not fond of flying so we're taking it in baby steps. We are going on holiday but not overseas at this stage - might happen at the end of the year. SB is getting used the the idea of flying LOL
Be more zen/foster patience - I know this is a huge character failing in myself and something I definitely need to improve on. Definitely getting there - being a full-time teacher really helps this.
Do little, often - this year, I have often been guilty of coming in and dumping notes in areas and having these massive cleaning binges in the holidays. Next year, when we are settled, I need to develop a better system. Everything has a place and everything is in it's place. Fail - enough said.
Buy a filing cabinet - see 6 above. Have no idea where we would currently put it, it's on hold.
Develop more pride in myself - multiple reasons have led me in the past to think that I am not very good looking and this has reflected itself in my neglect to put myself together in a spectacular way. This stops now - I have a slammin' wash and wear hairstyle, now I just need to sparkle up my face and make sure I put together gorgeous outfits. Style mavens, I'm looking at you. I give myself an A for effort for this one. Style is a journey rather than a destination and I think that I've made a real effort so far.
Be creative - so many of the handmade projects on the web inspire me. 2010 is going to be the year that I start creating them on my own. Epic fail. I think my difficulty in getting a job really shot my self-esteem in the first quarter of the year and made me feel useless. I moped and made a real waste of that extra time I had available to me.
Give consciously - think about the best solution for an issue and work towards that. Start in my own community and group of friends and move outwards. I definitely think that I've been more conscious this year of where I can give skills and help. Keep this going!
Bake more - one thing both SB and I love from our childhood years was how there was always something yummy of mum's baking around. I need to get into the habit now of creating these delicious treats (and then SB doesn't need to take so many processed snacks to work!) Cannot believe how much of a fail this is right now. I bake less than before we moved. Need to get my A into G. Want to learn how to make carrot cake.
In the same vein, I need to learn how to decorate cakes better. Have this brilliant idea for a Bachelorette party cake and NO idea how to execute it. Ditto
Take more photos - for some reason I didn't take as many photos this winter - I love having a photo record of the fun times I have and the beauty I see around me... loads of memories for when I'm gray and old LOL. Yup, definitely getting there. I need to be more insistent on getting the photos I want sometimes :)
Leading on from 13 above, create some scrapbooks! There's not much use in having all my memories stored digitally - they need to be out, tangible and beautiful for people to see. In progress! Late start but getting there!
Buy a sewing machine - it doesn't need to be a flash one, I'm just a beginner. Looking forward to perhaps trying to construct skirts that flatter my oddly shaped figure. Not yet.
Make more meaningful connections with people... this is a hard one to describe in detail. I feel like I know lots of people but only know a select few... I want to get to know people better, find out what drives them, excites them, makes them tick. I think some of my friendships have definitely grown stronger this year and some of them have grown apart. Reminds me of the reason, season, lifetime theory... this year it feels more true than ever.
Post more frequently to Scribbles - I've let life get away on me somewhat in the past year, so aiming for at least two posts a week in 2010 - that makes 104 little doses of me, which I'm sure you can tolerate :) Again, fail, but I'm definitely working on it.
Throw more dinner parties! There's nothing I love more than getting a group of friends together for a delicious meal. The dinner party we had this year was superb (even if it was a make-your-own burrito bar) and I want loads more repeats please! We're about to hold our second games night this year with people bringing plates for a pot luck dinner - I'm so looking forward to it. Even if that makes me a nana.
Start writing fiction like I have always planned to do... I'm not going to set a goal of even trying to get published next year but I need to start working towards it as a future goal. Because of study and because of the needs of my future profession, NaNoWriMo is never going to be an option for me but that doesn't mean I should not write. All my creative juices seem to be zapped by my teaching but once I create a better work/life balance I may find this changes. Roll on school holidays LOL
Write more letters - this is a bit of a selfish one... I like writing letters because I LOVE receiving them. Far better than boring bills. Have been slack on this front but have been getting into the habit of writing thank you letters and cards again and these have been so well received. I will now be aiming to write a letter a week, to make this a more measurable goal. Watch out my Christchurch and Perth ladies LOL.

Interesting. A real mixture of achieveds and not achieveds there ( a little NCEA humour there for anyone familiar with the NZ education system) - very little in the way of Excellence. The good news is that it is only May so I have plenty of time to get things sorted! Look out for my mid-year update at the start of July!

Chicken or...

2010-05-15T13:35:00.001+12:00

Clucky?

In a chat with Abstract Aucklander on Twitter, we discussed our changing attitudes to children in our lives. Even three years ago (still well past my teenage years) I had the attitude that I would like kids someday. My friends' kids were adorable and I loved to hang out with them but I also loved the fact that I could give them back. I was all about achieving everything I wanted and fitting kids around that reality and yet now... now I want to make it a priority.

No, I'm not preggers/hapu/enciente and still don't intend on being so before I'm married. There are still things that I want to accomplish before we have kids...

SB and I are in a committed relationship but I would like to formalise that in marriage before we start a family. I know it's not a priority for everyone, but it is one for us. It's what we grew up with and is familiar to us. Our parents have been married for over 50 years combined.
I want to get my teaching registration - I do plan on taking a significant amount of time off work when my children are small and it will be easier to return to the work force if I have my full rego. Provided that I can get another job when this one ends at the end of the year, I should have my full registration in Term 2, 2012.
I want to replace my bomb of a vehicle with something more reliable (and with automatic rather than manual transmission) and pay in cash.
A couple of overseas trips that are unlikely to happen when we have small children.

So logically, we'll be looking at having kids in about three/four years time. This works for us as we don't want to be older parents and with my PCOS issues, it is better for us to try while I'm still in my twenties. I may be hearing my ovaries sigh as I watch my friends cuddle their young children but my heart is on board with this being the right thing to do.

That said, having talked about this in detail with SB has lead us to make several decisions that we can't deny are influenced by this. The car that I am looking at replacing mine with has the benefit of being able to fit a small family in it (no micro-compact cars for me). Our holiday fund after this year will be focused towards those trips we want to accomplish sans offspring. SB knows that he'll need to propose sometime during the next couple of years LOL. Of course, I fret that I am going to struggle to find a job at the end of this year and that my rego journey is going to take even longer. We've talked about finances and what we will do to ensure that our drop in income is not too heavy while I stay at home. I will return to teaching but we don't need the pressure of me having to return too soon.

It's times like this when I realise how much my life has changed. From high-flying marketing and PR assistant to a woman who looks forward to the day when her job title is Mummy. From self-proclaimed feminist to a traditional girl who wants marriage, babies and to be a wife. From being afraid of the time when I would have to "sacrifice my life" to the time when I look forward to the change on the horizon. In the immortal words of Blink 182 "I guess this is growing up".

P.S. I defined being a grown-up to my Year 12s as the following: "When you see your friend announce her pregnancy on Facebook and you aren't shocked and worried anymore". Yup, growing up.

Holiday Plans

2010-05-13T11:08:00.001+12:00

Now that I have a full-time job and SB is able to take his vacation time, we wanted to have a nice long winter holiday. After tossing around many ideas of holiday locations, we decided on Rarotonga. We contacted our friend who is a travel agent and got pricing for the trip. It seemed affordable but we would have to save the money very quickly (from my first couple of pays) to ensure that we were able to go. Being a teacher has the downside of having to take annual leave during the holidays and it is best to book early. SB's workmate is getting married in Sept/Oct so those holidays weren't an option. July it was.

We then got the email saying that all the cheap flights had gone and we were now looking at NZ$500 more for what amounted to the same holiday. We looked at other holiday options in tropical locales and thought we had decided on one... but it just didn't sit right. SB and I were walking along in a local shopping mall a couple of weeks ago and realised that the thought of this holiday was stressing us out rather than relaxing us. We still want to take our tropical overseas getaway but we're willing to wait.

That still leaves the winter holidays and we would both like to get away - it's been a year since our last proper holiday away together and I will be coming out the other end of a long term (11 weeks, the kids will go crazy!). We wanted somewhere that we wouldn't really be able to do just a weekend, we wanted somewhere where there would be a chance of snow and we wanted somewhere where we would be able to relax for at least part of the time. So...

We're going back! We both loved the pace of Christchurch last time we were down there and with my little sister living down there we have even more reason to go. We're flying in and driving straight up to Hanmer Springs, staying for two nights and then plan to drive back to Christchurch via Kaikoura. We'll then spend another four days in Christchurch, checking out some of the attractions outside the CBD and visiting my sister at the Army Camp out at Burnham. I'm looking forward to it more than I could have hoped and I'm so glad that we made this decision. We won't be sunning ourselves drinking cocktails on the beach in a month and a half but we'll be relaxing together in some beautiful places and that's what matters the most to me.

The old and the new...

2010-05-11T10:15:00.002+12:00

I don't think it's any secret on my blog how much some of my exes have f**ked me over. I'll never understand how someone can move on so quickly, even if they are the dumper. I'll never understand the idea of giving someone bullshit reasons for the split, even if your aim is for them to hate you so you can move on. I'll never understand the keeping your options open for later (FirstLove) and I'll never understand the ignoring as if you never existed (Ex-S). SB knows my past and although we can't really imagine a future without each other, I know he would let me down gently if this became the case.

Enter awkwardness... NZ clearly isn't that big of a country or the people I know don't move. Within the past year, I've met the current girlfriends of two guys I've been friendly with. At one party, SB and I were sitting at an outside table and introduced ourselves (as you do). This sweet girl pipes up with "I'm (name redacted), (another name redacted)'s girlfriend". SB, familiar with my limited dating history, looked at me and I looked at him. We said nothing and now the girlfriend of the only guy I've ever had a one night stand with has added me on Facebook. She's a sweetheart but I think my gap of saying anything has passed and that's just something I need to keep to myself from now on.

I've also developed some new friendships this year, one of which is with a girl whom we'll call A+. A+ reminds me of a 20-year-old version of myself - not conventionally cute but certainly attractive, funny, geeky and generally a great person to chat to. She usually comes to parties in our circle of friends with a guy we'll call A-. The hitch? A- is not her boyfriend. Ex-S is.

Yes, that is right. Completely unexpectedly I have become friends with Ex-S's current girlfriend. Both A+ and I know that it is completely bizarre but I've moved on so far from my relationship with Ex-S that she has no fear of me "wanting him back" and while I think she has appalling taste in men I'm willing to judge her on her personal merits LOL. While we've been friendly for a while now, what made this blogworthy is that on Saturday night, we hung out.

Scribbles, SB, Ex-S and A+. Standing on the lawn at a house party. SB officially introducing himself to Ex-S. A+ and I comparing that we had the same hat (she in pink, me in red). Noticing the similarities and the fact that A+ and I could be taken for sisters. Noticing the differences and the fact that SB stands tall and proud that he is with me. Noticing the feelings - my hope that while I still don't like Ex-S for how he treated me, I hope that this works for him; my wishes for A+'s sake that he treats her well because she doesn't deserve to be shattered; my admiration of SB for being the better man, the wonderful man and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with; the content in myself that, really, this is the way that it was all meant to pan out, that the pain has gone and that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Amazing the difference a couple of years make.

Furious...

2010-04-29T16:57:00.003+12:00

Ms. Scribbles went on a rampage this afternoon...

I was so unimpressed. This class is continually badmouthing each other - it's not an exaggeration to say that I hear them insulting each other every two minutes... at least. They may only be thirteen but it's really horrible stuff. Since when did it become socially acceptable to call someone a homo, a faggot, a lezzo? Who told these kids that it was okay to use retard and handicap as insults rather than descriptors of legitimate medical conditions? In what universe is it okay to yell across the classroom that someone is a f**king c**t?

Why does it take until high school for these kids to be coached into appropriate classroom behaviour? I know I took over a class that had a crap teacher but it is just beyond me how some of these kids have absolutely no concept of teamwork and respect. New goal for two of my classes - building them into useful humans by the end of the year. If they learn some English along the way, awesome.