An unearthly cry...

Struggling to wind down after a long drive home to the parents last night, I didn't end up getting to bed until around half past twelve. Lying in my bed, in the converted garage, I could hear this odd moaning warble. As much as I tried, I couldn't work out where it was coming from. I went into the lounge and asked my mum to help me investigate.

Sneaking outside in her t-shirt nightie, she couldn't hear a thing. I declared that I had probably actually snapped, that I was clearly having a psychotic hallucinogenic breakdown and was going back to bed. All this excitement had understandably got me re-amped and I lay in bed slowly drifting back to the land of Nod as the numbers slowly ticked past on the alarm clock.

1:45 am

Gaaaaawaaaaahgaaaaaburbleowwwwww

I jumped out of bed and flicked the light on - this was really starting to bug me. I whipped back the curtain to find my parents' cat staring at me through the window. Gaaaaawaaaaahgaaaaaburbleowwwwww - right to my face. This cat had recently had steroid shots for a medical condition which seems to make her both schizophrenic and shed like crazy. Combine this with my allergy to cats and the fact that I was the only one still awake - I was stuck. I set up an obstacle course that would direct the cat to the lounge and opened the external door, approaching the cat with a handful of towel - I didn't want to get her hair on me.

She sprinted off! I stood at the door, stamping my feet. I lifted my fist and cursed in the general direction of the neighbouring property that the cat had escaped to. Closing the door, I disassembled the obstacle, flicked off the light and crawled back into bed.

2:15am

Gaaaaawaaaaahgaaaaaburbleowwwwww

Pillow over head. Good Night.

Literary Inspiration: Once more unto the breach, dear friends

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height.

- William Shakespeare, HENRY V

It makes me laugh how much this inspiring speech from Shakespeare can be seen in the faces and the comments of my colleagues in the last week of our programme. For some of the students, today's presentations (for meeting the graduating teacher standards) were the last assessment. For others (like myself), there's just a presentaton in our curriculum speciality classes and an assignment to hand in this final week. It's funny how at this point in the year it's just a presentation, just an assignment... the things that would have had us quaking in our boots earlier this year are just another foe to slay as we forge our way across the battlefield to that finish line. I can't see any reason why I wouldn't pass any of my assignments so that means that as of Friday, I will be FREE!

It's odd, it's almost like my mind can't comprehend it. I've had holidays this year, but always had readings or assignments to start, planning to complete... at the moment I don't even have a job for next year so as of next week, my only responsibilities will be making sure I get to work at the appropriate time and just generally being awesome (that's what I call collective responsibilites to SB, family and friends)... considering everything that has been weighing on me this year, it seems like surprisingly little.

Of course, a girl has to celebrate these milestones. And while I would love to have a teaching position lined up (for next year) to celebrate also, finishing my Grad Diploma is no less a marathon effort for lack of position so far. Friday evening will find me out at dinner with SB and friends, tucking into a hearty meal and dashing back a few cocktails to celebrate my freedom (and to remind me that I no longer need to set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit to his full height!)

Any milestones you are celebrating, Scribblettes?

Nail Biting...

Thank you guys so much for your kind comments on my last post - my life certainly is a roller coaster at the moment and it means a lot that you all are holding on for the ride. Yesterday I had a mini-freakout at my computer while working on an assignment and actually started feeling tight in the chest... I obviously don't handle anxiety as well as I thought. Casting my mind back, the last time my life was this full on I was a smoker - it was definitely a crutch. I'd never smoke again but part of me wishes I could get the calm without the cancer stick.

The tension helped me knock a couple of assignments on the head yesterday which has taken a bit of the pressure off. I emailed one of the schools I applied to, asking a question that I hadn't thought of when I met them a wee while back. I found out in the reply that they took that as my interview, they had short-listed me and were checking references before making a decision. I'm hoping upon hope that I get this job - the job market is so tight right now. I'm going out next Friday with some friends to celebrate the end of my studies and it would make my day to be able to celebrate having a job for next year as well.

It's funny how quickly this time flies... and how we want it to be over. A wise friend told me yesterday "Don't wish this time away. You'll find yourself where you thought you wanted to be, longing for the past you can no longer have". So I'm embracing this hectic time of life and trying to stop and smell the roses. Have any of you Scribblettes had experience with anxiety? Do you have ideas of how to fix it or are you in favour of riding it out?

A change of address... temporarily?

As those of you who follow me on Twitter will have gathered, Mama Scribs has a cancerous lymph node. We originally thought that she would only have to have radiation (like a bad sunburn) but this is not possible (for more info as to why, see here). Instead she gets to go through chemo (like the worst food poisoning ever) which has not been a good experience for her at all. She was constantly prone to infections and ended up in the hospital multiple times during chemo due to her immune system having an EPIC fail.

How on earth does this link with a change of address? I'm working over the summer in a mall and hopefully starting a teaching job at the end of January at a high school. There's one thing that both these places have in common... loads of people. And where there are loads of people? Loads of germs. Scribbles waltzes into the house absolutely knackered, grabs a glass out of the cupboard, turns on the tap, fills the glass and wanders off. Mama Scribbles comes in, turns on tap... ba-bow. It seems ridiculous but compromising someone who has no immune system is that easy. Easiest solution? Scribs needs to get the heck out of Dodge (whatever that means).

Seeing I spend a significant amount of time there already, the easiest solution seems to be to move in with SB (plus he wants me there!). Part of me is really nervous about it - what if seeing me those extra couple of times a week drives him crazy? LOL. The saner part of my mind knows that it's just what we had planned to do next year, a little earlier. I can look at it as an opportunity to make sure we can do this, without the financial commitment of finding a flat together: we don't know that we want to stay living on his parents' property next year and might take it as an opportunity to "try-before-we-buy" in a different town.

So as well as assignments and career thoughts occupying my head, I'm already starting to plan a list of what I will move - big furniture will stay with the parental Scribbles for now. Within the month, Scribbles will be becoming a country girl (a handy ten minute drive from town LOL) and a live-in-girlfriend. Follow me on the journey!

Tagged!

The darling MissB tagged me to share seven random things about myself so you lucky Scribblettes get to delve deep into my psyche today!

1. When we were young, I managed to convince my younger sister that she was adopted. She has olive skin compared to the white, white skin of my parents and I... strike 1. There's a photo of me at the hospital with Mum when I was born, ChChSis only has photos of her once she had arrived home... you get the picture. A sign of a future debate queen? Or evil?

2. I take the tomato out of my burger, yet I'm happy to eat it by itself.

3. I'm more sure than I've ever been before that what I have with SB is what I want forever and it occasionally terrifies me that I will do something to cock it up.

4. The number one reason I want to be a homeowner so I can own a dog! I'm not sure what type yet, something small and very cute. My auntie has an shi tzu with the best temperament ever so I'm leaning in that direction.

5. I cannot believe that I have almost finished my teaching diploma - it seems like yesterday that I was handing in my resignation for my marketing job, yet so much has happened in the last two years.

6. It frustrates me when the first thing people ask upon meeting me is "How's your mum?" - I sometimes get fed up with being "that chick whose mum has cancer". I want people to ask how I am, yet that makes me feel guilty.

7. Em was right, despite the ups and downs. 2009 has definitely been my year!

I tag any of you all that want to participate - leave a link in the comments to your page! Love to learn more about you.

A life portfolio

While I type this post, I'm also uploading files to create a professional portfolio as one of my course requirements. It's a collation of the work that I have done over the entire year and shows how I fit the required graduating teacher standards. The files can be screen shots, essays, lesson plans, images, associate reports - basically anything that answers one of the specified requirements we must fulfill for provisional registration.

Pulling out files from every corner of my computer, I've also come across a lot of other files - poetry I wrote when I was nine, a certificate my mum made me for making my first ever banana cake, photos galore and even some archived MSN conversations. A digital shaping of my life so far, one might call it.

It got me to thinking... if I had to put together a portfolio of my life, what would be in it? What standards would I have hoped to live my life by? What values are important to me and what do I want to achieve? How do I measure that I've got there? The photo above shows that I take the time to enjoy both people and places, no matter how busy I get. I took time out from working on my assignments and housework on the weekend to go for a walk with my darling SB at a favourite beach of ours (where we first started talking about our future, actually) and loved having his company in the wonderful weather that NZ switched on for us.

There are standards in my life portfolio I can meet at the moment (being a dutiful daughter, being a supportive girlfriend, etc, etc) and other standards I hope I can meet in the future (being a loving and kind mother, a conscientious home owner and neighbour). What is in your life portfolio? How do you know you've achieved the standard?

Yippee!

I didn't want to jinx it by saying anything (and I don't know why, I'm not that superstitious) but I had taken part in what seemed to be some very positive discussions about a job over summer. My student allowance runs out at the end of November and I had been very concerned about making ends meet over summer - my employment at my current job does not offer enough hours and will end with the closing of the business over the Christmas/New Year period. Biting nails for the last couple of weeks, I am pleased to announce that I finally have a confirmed "christmas casual" job!

I swore when I started my marketing and PR job around four years ago that I would never work retail over Christmas again... famous last words! Without going into too much detail, I will be working in a lingerie shop, selling sexy wee bras and panties and making use of the employee discount *wink wink*. It's for a company that seems friendly and has some hot little designs so I'm really looking forward to it... the being paid thing is nice too.

If only I could get a confirmed teaching job, about half my stress at the moment would lift right off my shoulders! Patience is a virtue, I know! Is there anything you are waiting for, Scribblettes? Let me know in the comments!